Fun With Dick and Jane

Sunday. 4.40 p.m. So, here I am, on a Sunday afternoon. Nothing much to do except read, take Alfie for a walk, and peel potatoes for my evening meal. (Pork chops, roast potatoes and broccoli, if you must ask.) A bit like the Hancock's Half-Hour 'Sunday Afternoon At Home'.' Virtually nothing happens. Hancock moans and complains about the fact it's raining, Miss Pugh (his secretary, played by Hattie Jacques) has cooked lunch and Hancock complains about her gravy. It's obviously very thick and the fact that it doesn't move! A brilliant bit of scriptwriting by Galton and Simpson.  The ability to write about virtually nothing is a real art, and it brings out the various characters' little foibles. I have heard this episode many times and it's just as funny each time I hear it.

As I write this, the fire alarm has gone off. I have shut the lounge door as the alarm goes off in the entrance hall, and you can't hear yourself think with the confounded alarm. Alfie doesn't like loud noises, which is why he's laying near the door. A fire engine has arrived and is parked outside. Along with a police car. Hope they arrest the idiot who has set the alarm off (just hope it's not me as I have only just put the potatoes into roast. Perhaps they should charge £25 for each call-0ut, which is a sort of false alarm, which might make people a bit more careful. Just hope they manage to turn the alarm off soon as it's difficult to think properly.

The alarm stopped after around twenty minutes, by which time my ears were ringing. But it was such a relief! I just wish people would learn to cook, smoke or whatever, without setting off the fire alarms. Perhaps they had forgotten to take out toast from their toaster or left something in the oven which burnt. Whatever it was, it caused an annoyance.

Monday. 5.40 a.m. Alfie and I were out at 5.15. I'm not going to stay indoors when it's light and there's no rain. No sign of foxes, but one can hope to see one or two at some stage if you get up early enough. I have my electric fan on in my bedroom as it's already hot in the flat. Just crazy. 

Why did I choose the title for this blog post? I have no idea, but I suppose it reflects life at Dexter House.  It's all bingo and , jelly, gardening and more bingo. The fun of it is too much, nothing more and nothing less. That may be for some who live here, but not for me.

I am currently doing checks on my car before going to Worcester. I forgot how to open the bonnet, so I went on Google and, hey presto! It's easy. It's not a thing I do regularly, as the car was serviced in November and had an oil change. The oil level seems fine but now I need to check the tyre pressure, not a job I actually relish, but it must be done. I think I will do it the next time I top the car up with diesel.

10.55 a.m. I have been to the Shell filling station in Grafton Street to fill the car up with diesel. You have to move quite a long way forward otherwise you can't get the hose to reach the filler on my car and I have to remember that the filler is on the driver's side. I pad in the kiosk and got two £1 coins to operate the airline. A car was already using the airline so I waited near the pumps and then moved the car to the area which had the airline in it. It took me a while to discover where you put your coins to start the machine, It's not very well-marked. Then I pulled out the hose to start the job of putting air in each of the four tyres. It's a messy business and I got a black mess on my hands from the tyres and undid each of the caps on the tyres. Then I had to wrestle with the hose, which keeps wanting to rewind itself back into the machine, so you have to put one foot on it to stop it, this manoeuvre is rather like wrestling with a snake. It was at this point that I think it's somewhat like a scene from a television comedy and could imagine Rowan Atkinson's character Mr Bean attempting to deal with the hose and getting himself into a terrible but hilarious situation. Anyway, having dealt with these things the car is now ready for my journey to Worcester on Friday afternoon.

Tuesday. 6.00 a.m. Here we are again! Alfie and I were out at 5.15 this morning. A slight chill in the air and, according to the BBC Breakfast weather forecast, a likelihood of rain later today.

Something Of Nothing

So, I'm short of things to talk about in this blog post. Which is unlike me. I can usually manage to find plenty to waffle on about. Just staring at a blank screen or sheet of paper can produce writer's block. Many writers have managed to create something out of nothing. When I'm out and about I always attempt to start conversations. If we're in a waiting room for example, as we've been doing for the last few months in N.H.S. facilities, it's always a stress-reliever if you can start a conversation. Even at the supermarket check-out, I always feel sorry for the staff who have to put up with grumpy customers who don't like waiting for any length of time. Whenever I've done any television walk-on work and I arrived early on location and have to sit and wait (a great deal of that when doing that sort of work.) I always manage to strike up conversations with all and sundry who I sit next to, usually on a bus or whatever. As a result, in some cases, I've managed to get more work, or find out such things like other agencies taking on people which has lead to me getting cast in other shows, or going for auditions for things I would have otherwise known about.

There have been quite a few instances of television shows which have had complete episodes which  utilise 'nothing much happens' for an entire 30 minutes running time. 'EastEnders' have done several complete episodes which have just a single character or only a handful of characters in a sort of one-act style storyline. Well, like most television soaps, not a lot happens, or if it does, it's very, very slowly over months and months. Then, just think of the famous 'Sunday Afternoon' episode of the classic 'Hancock's Half-Hour' where all that happens is Hancock, Sid and Bill discuss how boring things are and nothing much happens. There's an episode of 'One Foot in The Grave' where Victor, Margaret and Mrs Warboys are stuck together in their car in a traffic-jam  on the way to some Bank Holiday destination and, again, nothing much happens, except, of course, that Victor gets on everyone's nerves with his constant moaning and upsets several people who are in other cars in the jam.

Taking of traffic jams, I get annoyed when we get stuck in them on the motorway, usually when we go north on the M1 and it's caused by roadworks and they cone off one of the lanes and, as we pass by at a crawl, I look over and there's miles and miles of these roadworks and nothing going on that would possibly warrant coning this section of motorway, no sign of workmen digging holes, laying tarmac or otherwise being busy. 

Of  course, Hancock was created during the 1950's and 1960's when Sundays were boring, nothing was open, no cinemas or theatres and shops had very restricted opening hours, so sitting at home doing nothing except watching the rain-drops running down the window pains would have had resonances with most of the audience who were listening at home.

Perhaps the most famous instances of nothing happening must of course be 'Waiting For Godot' written by Samuel Beckett, where the main characters spend the entire play doing virtually nothing as they wait for Godot who never appears. It's a lot of almost gibberish dialogue.

Then there's works of art. We've been to Tate Modern and seen art which can, as best, be blank canvasses or have nothing in the way of a 'picture' on their canvasses, just canvas with a few slits in or a couple of blocks of coloured paint (think of Marc Rothco.) I won't go into the artistic value or otherwise of these pieces of 'art.' A few artists work in what's called 'conceptual art,' perhaps filling a space with  - nothing. Which is supposed to make a statement. But don't ask we what. Not actually my idea of art. Supposed to make you think.

John Cage, the composer, created a piece of music called 4'33", which consists of silence for 4 minutes 33 seconds. Quite frankly it can hardly be described as 'music,' but being a minimalist composer it couldn't be much more minimal if it consists of nothing. Not sure whether this is considered a serious piece or whether he was having a joke on the audience.

So, at the end of this blog post, where I started off with nothing, I have quite successfully managed to write about something.

Radio Sit-Com

Having discussed sitcom in my last blog post, it's easy to write off one area that sitcoms are really successful. We tend to dismiss radio's contribution to the genre, and think that television is the only place for their production. But if it wasn't for BBC Radio Four (or, up until around 1967, when the stations were re-named) Home Service and Light Programme (which became Radio Two) we would never have had such delights as Hancock's Half-Hour which is considered, by many, to be the grandfather of sitcoms. The early episodes, right through to the much later episodes, are broadcast regularly on the digital station Radio Four Extra (originally called Radio Seven up until a few years ago.) A huge range of shows were, and still are, produced by the BBC. I could name not only 'Hancock's Half Hour' but also, 'The Navy Lark', 'The Men From The Ministry' and those shows which were adaptations of successful television shows such as 'Steptoe and Son' and 'Dad's Army'. Lesser-known, or indeed even remembered, are shows such as 'Marriage Lines' which starred very young actors of the likes of Richard Briars and Prunella Scales. 'Not In Front of The Children' which I seem to recall from the 1960's and which starred Wendy Craig. Some shows work really well on radio, whilst others don't seem to adapt too well. Perhaps if you're familiar with the television version the radio version would work for you. With radio you have to do quite a lot of work yourself as an audience-member. You have to concentrate harder when you have to listen to fairly complicated dialogue and when there's a difficult plot-situation. With radio you do have to LISTEN and CONCENTRATE, with television you don't have to work anywhere near as hard because so much of it is visual. Fairly obvious I suppose, because it has pictures as well as sound. You can have visual gags which, obviously, radio can provide.

It seems odd to think that you'd adapt a successful television sitcom for radio, as with 'Dad's Army' and 'Steptoe and Son.' Particularly 'Dad's Army' which had so much visual comedy in it's television version. 'Hancock's Half-Hour' used the idea of Tony Hancock having a sort of 'stage personality' an 'alternative' persona. The pompous, lazy, 'actor' or 'comedian.' It didn't (one presumes) really reflect his 'real' persona. It wasn't until the writers, Galton and Simpson, were rejected by Hancock as writers when he moved to I.T.V. that the B.B.C. allowed them a free hand with creating several 30-minute comedy plays that the eventual series of 'Steptoe' was developed from one particular episode called 'The Offer.' Putting character actors into the main roles meant that there was room for more character-driven plots and far more believable situations than they could write for Hancock.

As for the 'Navy Lark,' there is a certain amount of what can only be described as 'slapstick' in this very amusing show. I know it sounds crazy to describe it in those terms, but having listened to it recently on BBC Radio 4 Extra, there is nearly always some sort of incident when the ship it's set on H.M.S. Troutbridge, ends up crashing into another ship or a harbour wall or something and there's a great deal of noise and commotion as a result. In fact, that's why so much radio comedy work better in some respects than television, the sound effects that are used. I know 'The Goons' can never be classed as a sitcom, more a string of sketches, but it must have been quite revolutionary in it's use of sound effects. Feet running, explosions, clangs, pianos falling, etc etc which are just completely nuts and very funny.

A favourite radio comedy of mine is 'Clare In The Community.' It's based on the comic strip which appears in the Guardian 'society' section. Clare is a social worker who manages to sort out other people's problems but can't deal with her own, more specifically, her relationships. There's a good mix of characters and it works well on radio. I just don't want it to move to television because it will lose it distinctive flavour. Imagining what the characters look like is one of the best reasons for any form of radio drama or comedy. It's a bit like reading a novel and imagining how the characters sound and look. It can be a real disappointment when there's a film or television adaptation of your favourite novel when you see how a particular character is cast and presented, it can be a real let down.

One of the best things about radio, again particularly with comedy but also with drama in general, is that it can really stretch actor's abilities. Thinking in particular with people like Kenneth Williams, who was one of the supporting actors in 'Hancock's Half-Hour.' He had an incredible voice range and could conjure up an almost endless parade of weird and wonderful characters to support Hancock, whether it be an annoying neighbour, policemen, doctors or whatever a particular story required. It's no wonder that Hancock became obsessed with how he was so 'up-staged' by not just Williams but by Sid James and as a result they didn't move to television with him in the early 1960's. 

A Wash-Out

From being scaldingly hot to being chilly and wet, our summer is just being normal. I saw on the local B.B.C. television news last night that there was some quite severe flash flooding in parts of East Anglia over the past couple of days. Cars caught in floods on roads, for example. There was water running down the road outside our house, looking more like a river than a road. Just as well we stayed in yesterday and didn't venture out. I just hope the rest of the holiday isn't going to be the same. We'll just have to find something else to do that is indoors somewhere. I'm sure we can, such as visit art galleries and museums. Well, at least we haven't got to endure the awful noise from such things as the Daisy Carnival or whatever it was called which was at the Bowl a week or two ago. It was really awful. Although, mention of noise, our neighbour, or at least one of them, started up making some awful noise just as we were about to head for bed yesterday evening, drilling or something, so loud it would deafen you. I don't know what it was, some sort of drill. It didn't last long, but I can't believe people have to make so much noise at so late an hour and on a Saturday too.

It's not raining at the moment (9.45 a.m.) I was in the bathroom, just about to have a shave, and I opened the window to look out to see what the weather was doing. As I say, it wasn't raining. Just as I did so, a large lorry turned up and parked outside our house. It had 'Knowhow' printed all over it, on a  black background. It was from Currys/Dixon. Two men got out and proceeded to unload something from the back, using a rear lift. One of the men then took the item (it looked like either a washing machine or a cooker, wrapped in plastic sheeting, so I couldn't see properly what the item was.) on a sack barrow to the neighbour's house. I was just so surprised that Curry's, or any company if it comes to that, would be delivering goods on a Sunday. Although it's a good idea to actually deliver something when the customer wants it. No use when you are out or don't particularly want it delivered. Not actually a great fan of either Currys or Dixon's. There staff are generally hopeless. Only seem interested in selling large items so they get their commission. The last time I was in our local branch and we were looking for something quite low-priced, I think a coffee maker or something, the member of staff who came to help was totally useless and didn't go to find the price or something or even stock levels.

10.25 a.m. I'm sorry to say it's raining again. I didn't think the dry weather was going to last. It's certainly just as well we hadn't planned to go anywhere specific today.

7.05 p.m. All day indoors. It's becoming a bit boring. 'Stir Crazy' I think the term is. We sat through two episodes of "New Tricks" on the digital channel, "Alibi." We've always enjoyed this series. They weren't two of the best episodes, and it's clear why they aren't making any further episodes. I think ten seasons was very good and perhaps it had outstayed it's welcome. When cast members leave then you begin to wonder, will it ever be as good as it once was?

It's raining on and off. Our neighbour has been making more loud noises, some sort of drill. I can't think what he's up to, but if he goes on like this, he'll have drilled through into our kitchen. Our dogs don't like it, and who can blame them?

The day has turned out like the famous "Hancock's Half-Hour" episode, "Sunday Afternoon At Home" when Hancock is stuck at home with nothing to do. He even counts the raindrops running down the window. Classic television from 1958 and repeated at one time or another on the  B.B.C. digital radio station Radio 4 Extra.