All About Manners

I can say that I was bought up to have some manners. The basic, respect for adults, your parents in particular.  I was taught that if a lady came into a room, you stood up. If you were on a bus and you were already seated, and an older person came on, you stood up so they could sit in your place. You didn't speak until you were spoken to (for children that is) but as an adult, you didn't butt into a conversation until the other person had finished what they had to say. As a child, adults knew better than you and you most certainly never answered them back. The old saying 'children should be seen and not heard' is very true. In my day, you'd just sit quietly or leave the room. Today it seems that children think they can get away with all sorts of bad behaviour because they have 'rights.'   Lacking today is respect. People don't seem to have a great deal of patience. Things like social media, Twitter and Facebook, allow people to say things about others which they'd never dream of saying to a person's face. Everyone has a right to have an opinion, even if it's the opposite of your yours. I've found that, on the road, when driving, other drivers (not all, as there are probably more decent people than those who are not, I have to point out) who expect you to get of of their way, some driving very close behind you. They expect you to ignore the speed limit, whatever the consequences. On roundabouts, you get cut up by other drivers, even when you are obeying the rules. Unfortunately, the rules of the road don't seem to apply to many drivers. In Milton Keynes there seems to be a particularly aggressive sort of driver. They want to drive as fast as they can and to more or less ignore the rules when they get to one of the many roundabouts. If you are careful, like me, and slow down when approaching such a roundabout, and you get a car coming up behind you, they don't like the fact that you're being cautious and stop to make sure there's no other traffic coming in from the right, and if you are waiting, they attempt to get you to move. I've seen the faces of some drivers (although I almost always try to avoid eye-contact) and they look angry, or wave their arms in the air, if you don't get out of their way fast enough. The 'not driving to close' rule that used to be in the Highway Code, seems to be ignored. It makes sense to not drive to close to a car because, what happens if you brake suddenly, in particular when it's wet or icy, you're more likely to skid and then the car behind is going to run into you. Give other road-users space. Common sense, really.

People in shops can be really bad mannered. In Marks and Spencers, a couple of months ago, when they had their special offer meal deals, £10 for a meal for two, main, side, sweet and wine (excellent value. Waitrose also has a similar offer.), I got there and a large crowd of people were grabbing the items in the offer, in  one of those shelving units at the end of an aisle. People were pushing in, and one woman barged her way in without a word of apology or 'sorry.' Just had no manners. I thought Marks and Spencers customers were better mannered that this, but apparently not. Then, when you get to the till, the check-out, and you have to queue. Some people don't like waiting. I thought the British had this 'thing' about queuing, most likely dating back to the Second World War, when there was rationing and you had to queue to get whatever it was. I think that has most definitely gone out of the window. People can be exceedingly rude to the poor staff on these checkouts. It must be very difficult to be polite to customers who are just plain nasty.

It doesn't help when certain people who are judges of television shows such as 'Strictly Come Dancing' come out with some really nasty remarks about some of the celebrity dancers. I'm not actually a fan of this sort of show, but it seems bad manners don't apply when Craig Revel-Horwood says some quite spiteful things. Just to get mentioned in the tabloid press or on social media I reckon. I realise that a lot of so-called 'reality' television is hyped to deliberately get things mentioned in these forms of media and the producers set up people such as the judges, but I don't think it's necessary to be quite so nasty. As a result, some audience members think they have a right to be similarly unpleasant to people. Footballers and other sporting personalities who behave in a reckless manner, such as speeding in their cars or in a drunken manner, falling into the gutter after leaving a nightclub or brawling are setting bad examples for fans, and thus giving the impression that their bad manners and general behaviour is acceptable. As a consequence, young people think they can get away with that sort of behaviour. These sports personalities as well as pop musicians and actors who have a loyal following are setting bad examples when they should be trusted to behave in a better fashion.

I think mobile phones and social media have a lot to answer for, as regards manners. How many people do you see walking about as they use their mobile phone? You rarely get eye-contact with anyone these days. Too busy texting. Rarely get any sort of contact with anyone who speaks. If you do, it's usually those of a mature age. Mostly it's the younger generation who are obsessed by mobile phones. I know they have their uses, but when people can't even speak when you try to make conversation, it's a bit of a worry for the future. Are there going to be people who have no social skills? They're going to be sort of stunted, as regards social interaction. People using mobile phones when they're in a restaurant and not paying attention to other people at the table, grossly bad manners in my opinion.

I've heard recently of someone objecting to someone using a mobile phone as they were sitting in the audience for a play in the West End and the person on the mobile punching the person who objected. Also, people eating food while they watched a  play. Just plane bad manners to even think of eating food and being obnoxious. As for using a mobile when watching a play, just thoughtless behaviour and shouldn't be allowed. What on earth is the point of going to see a show, when the tickets are probably very expensive, and then chatting on a mobile phone all the way through it? Do people think it polite to talk all the way through a live performance, annoying for the other audience members and just distracting for the actors who are trying to give a decent performance. I'd have hope he person who punched the man who used a mobile was done for assault. As for eating in the auditorium, definitely not the place to eat.

Lack of Manners

When I was growing up we were expected to have manners in regards behaviour. One was that whenever an adult came into the room you stood up. You certainly didn't talk until spoken to, you never argued with your parents or other adults and if you were travelling on public transport, such as a bus or train, you'd give up your seat for an adult and in particular a lady. Where have manners gone? Out of the window it seems in most cases. I'm  not suggesting for one moment that everyone has bad manners, but it seems that quite a few people  I meet and very much in particular, young people, manners seem to have gone out of the window. I have mentioned the 'tail-gating' incidents that I've encountered whilst driving around Milton Keynes, whereby some drivers insist on driving right up behind you and attempting to get you to go faster or just get out of the way for you. On the odd occasion I've been cut up on roundabouts, where driver cut in front of you to get through faster. I have been run into because it seems I haven't moved onto a roundabout fast enough, which can be quite scary, particularly when you are waiting at a very busy roundabout and at times of heavy traffic. This can be worst when you can't see the traffic coming round and would be helped if there was a clearer view with the removal of trees and bushes on the centre of the roundabout. Some people can get very aerated if you don't do what they want you to and you often get someone waving their fists at you or hooting their horns. All it does is increase your blood pressure and your own. Stupid really. Sometimes I'm walking along the Redway around  Milton Keynes and you encounter someone on a bicycle. They should slow down or even stop if they meet pedestrians. They seem to think you'll immediately get out of the way for them. Or at least slow down, because I don't fancy being run into by a bicycle travelling at speed. Also, cyclists riding on pavements. I was always lead to believe that pavements were meant for pedestrians and roads and cycleways were for cyclists, or perhaps I got it wrong.

Carol tells me about the children she teaches. Some talk over her when she's attempting to teach, others can be just downright obnoxious. They drop litter. When challenged, they answer 'I didn't do it.' or 'someone else can pick it up.' Surprises me, because I was under the impression that today's children were conscious of the environment and the damage litter can do.

One of the worst offences I come across is when you are in conversation with someone and they get their mobile out, perhaps to answer it, either a text or a call, and then continue a conversation on the mobile as if you weren't there. Worse still, texting and completely ignoring you. Please, just say, 'excuse me' before answering a call or text message. Can't a call or text wait until the conversation with you is over? Another one is people with earphones stuck in, sometimes on a train or bus, and the thing making noises, music that comes out of the earphones in a sort of buzz or insect-like noise, or people ignoring other's eye-contact because their so busy with an iPod or mobile phone. What has happened to the art of conversation? Modern technology seems to have caused a generation to become incapable of proper speech.