Crazy Advertising

You're watching television, probably your favourite drama series. It's on a channel which has advertising. The action gets exciting and then suddenly- bang!- there's a commercial break. The whole storyline is interrupted by stupid advertising for sofas, car insurance or shampoo. So why do these advertisements have to be so facile? I'm not saying that every advert on television is poor, because there are one or two which are actually very clever and creative. But around 95% are just downright insulting and embarrassing. I realise that companies like ITV rely on advertising for their funding, but why do so many adverts have to be so awful? There are a few that have become classics, such as the Guinness one which has horses representing waves in the sea and perhaps the one for Hovis shot on a hill and spoofed by The Two Ronnies and made by Ridley Scott the director. But those are few and far between.  It can be said that making a television commercial is a very good way for a director to learn his craft. You have to be able to tell a story in a very short space of time, probably no more than 30 seconds. And make sure the viewer knows what brand your advert is for. Otherwise it's not going to be much use in selling that product.

Why do companies like Compare The Market and Confused.com have to use stupid characters to draw you in? The Alexander The Meerkat maybe a funny cuddly character and the animation may be clever and witty but it really has very little to do with car insurance or any other insurance. The annoying operatic singer who heads up the Confused.com advertising is little more than an annoyance and, frankly, would put me off using their products. Do they really think people will flock to them if they use this sort of tactic? If you buy Compere The Market and take whatever product it is they sell you're supposed to get a free meerkat toy or free cinema tickets. Do you necessarily get a good deal on these comparison websites? I can't work out how these companies make their money, but it must be something to do with getting some commission from the actual insurance companies if you buy insurance from them. They don't actually provide the insurance themselves. I think the fact that there's a funny furry character and that you can get a toy if you sign up is just to appeal to children who are supposed to have quite a lot of influence on what product people buy. Look along the breakfast cereal aisle in any supermarket and it seems that most breakfast cereals are aimed at children. Full of sugar, many of them, but if you look at the packaging they have free gifts quite obviously aimed at children. The same with companies such as McDonald's who seem to aim a lot of their fast food at children with lots of free gifts if you buy such-and-such a meal. No wonder there's a real problem with child obesity.

Sofa adverts are another bugbear we have in this household. How is it these companies are always having sales? Do they ever sell their sofas at full price and why are they always advertising just before Christmas or Easter and then say 'order now in time for Christmas?' Does it mean that their customers buy a new sofa (what happens to the old one? Is there a huge pile of ancient sofas in a warehouse somewhere? Redundant, unwanted, unloved? All because their former owners don't want them any more and need a new one 'just in time for Christmas?') Are their owners so fickle and pathetic that they have to show off with a new sofa at Christmas? And why, from seeing these adverts, are the sofas they show, so awful and ugly? Why do they always have a stupid woman advertising who has a high-pitched voice that drives you nuts and probably attracts all the dogs in the neighbourhood? Is she a former R.A.D.A. student-actress who can't find a better acting job? Although I imagine doing a television ad like that pays quite well, but it wouldn't look good on her C.V. when she applies for work at the National Theatre or R.S.C.

Nostalgia of Shopping- Part 1

Before the advent of out-of-town supermarkets and the internet, shopping was an entirely different kettle of fish. Living in a village a good four to five miles from the nearest town, if you needed anything in an emergency, such as sugar or a loaf of bread you could always rely on the village shop, although from what I remember as a child the only shop in Cardington was on the green and run by an elderly couple called  the Misses Stonebridge. I don't think either was married, but I may be wrong. I don't think my mother would have done much of her shopping in there. All I remember is the shop was run from one of the cottages on the Green in the village. If I went to run an errand for her, such as picking up something like butter or flour for baking, I would get 2d to spend in the shop on sweets. You could actually get quite a lot for that in those days (pre-decimal, which came in in 1971.) Usually I would buy chews or gob-stoppers or even those lovely liquerice chews, sherbet fountains made by Bassett's or some other company. I'm not sure you can still buy them. Most likely not.

We had meat delivered, in a van, from Wood's butchers. Dick Woods, who owned ran the shop which was in Harrowden Road which went into the centre of Bedford. He was a friend of my father's. They kept and ran greyhounds and Dick Woods would occasionally arrive at some time during the day at the farm, usually for morning coffee or tea-time. He was a large, rotund man, short, but he couldn't half talk the leg off a donkey, as they say. A real old hypochondriac. Always going on about some illness or other he had. He had a wife, but I don't recall ever meeting the woman. I think perhaps once, when we went to the garage in the next village, Cople, where we got our cars repaired. Burr's garage I think. Anyway, Dick Woods turned up in his car (perhaps to get it fixed, I don't know.) and he got out and chatted with my Dad, but his wife didn't get out of their car, just sat inside. That as far as I recall is the only time I ever saw her. It was a bit like in "Dad's Army" where Captain Mainwairing, who ran the platoon, would mention his wife, but she never actually appeared. She was always 'off-stage.' The action would be written that she was always in the kitchen, was annoyed with Mainwairing over something trifling. I think she 'appeared' in one episode when she and her husband were supposed to be sleeping in a bunk. He had the bottom bunk whilst she had the upper one. All you actually saw of her was this great bulge in the mattress underneath, her actually face or the rest of her body didn't appear.

I think bread was delivered by a baker called Fitch. I'm not sure where he came from.  The bakers may or may not have been in a near-by village, Willington. The bread was always unsliced and tasted a good deal better than sliced, packet bread. My mum also went up to what was called The Boundary, which was (probably still is.) a parade of shops in Harrowden Road on the way into Bedford. There was a baker's there for a good selection of not just bread but cakes. My favourite were I believe called Viennese Whirls and came in a little paper tray a bit like cupcakes and had a little bob of bright red jam-likesubstance on top, probably flavoured with strawberry or raspberry.  If we didn't have those my mother would buy doughnuts. I don't think we had a lot of bought cakes as my mum usually made a very wide range of cakes for tea, a speciality being shortbread, made to a very trustworthy recipe. My father always had brown bread, and so we had a loaf of Hovis for him. Also in the parade of shops was a greengrocers and a chemists, Peter Micklejohn. I think there might also have been a butchers, but as we went to Wood's for meat (bout a quarter of a mile further along the road towards Bedford.) I don't think we ever bought meat in there.