All About Manners

I can say that I was bought up to have some manners. The basic, respect for adults, your parents in particular.  I was taught that if a lady came into a room, you stood up. If you were on a bus and you were already seated, and an older person came on, you stood up so they could sit in your place. You didn't speak until you were spoken to (for children that is) but as an adult, you didn't butt into a conversation until the other person had finished what they had to say. As a child, adults knew better than you and you most certainly never answered them back. The old saying 'children should be seen and not heard' is very true. In my day, you'd just sit quietly or leave the room. Today it seems that children think they can get away with all sorts of bad behaviour because they have 'rights.'   Lacking today is respect. People don't seem to have a great deal of patience. Things like social media, Twitter and Facebook, allow people to say things about others which they'd never dream of saying to a person's face. Everyone has a right to have an opinion, even if it's the opposite of your yours. I've found that, on the road, when driving, other drivers (not all, as there are probably more decent people than those who are not, I have to point out) who expect you to get of of their way, some driving very close behind you. They expect you to ignore the speed limit, whatever the consequences. On roundabouts, you get cut up by other drivers, even when you are obeying the rules. Unfortunately, the rules of the road don't seem to apply to many drivers. In Milton Keynes there seems to be a particularly aggressive sort of driver. They want to drive as fast as they can and to more or less ignore the rules when they get to one of the many roundabouts. If you are careful, like me, and slow down when approaching such a roundabout, and you get a car coming up behind you, they don't like the fact that you're being cautious and stop to make sure there's no other traffic coming in from the right, and if you are waiting, they attempt to get you to move. I've seen the faces of some drivers (although I almost always try to avoid eye-contact) and they look angry, or wave their arms in the air, if you don't get out of their way fast enough. The 'not driving to close' rule that used to be in the Highway Code, seems to be ignored. It makes sense to not drive to close to a car because, what happens if you brake suddenly, in particular when it's wet or icy, you're more likely to skid and then the car behind is going to run into you. Give other road-users space. Common sense, really.

People in shops can be really bad mannered. In Marks and Spencers, a couple of months ago, when they had their special offer meal deals, £10 for a meal for two, main, side, sweet and wine (excellent value. Waitrose also has a similar offer.), I got there and a large crowd of people were grabbing the items in the offer, in  one of those shelving units at the end of an aisle. People were pushing in, and one woman barged her way in without a word of apology or 'sorry.' Just had no manners. I thought Marks and Spencers customers were better mannered that this, but apparently not. Then, when you get to the till, the check-out, and you have to queue. Some people don't like waiting. I thought the British had this 'thing' about queuing, most likely dating back to the Second World War, when there was rationing and you had to queue to get whatever it was. I think that has most definitely gone out of the window. People can be exceedingly rude to the poor staff on these checkouts. It must be very difficult to be polite to customers who are just plain nasty.

It doesn't help when certain people who are judges of television shows such as 'Strictly Come Dancing' come out with some really nasty remarks about some of the celebrity dancers. I'm not actually a fan of this sort of show, but it seems bad manners don't apply when Craig Revel-Horwood says some quite spiteful things. Just to get mentioned in the tabloid press or on social media I reckon. I realise that a lot of so-called 'reality' television is hyped to deliberately get things mentioned in these forms of media and the producers set up people such as the judges, but I don't think it's necessary to be quite so nasty. As a result, some audience members think they have a right to be similarly unpleasant to people. Footballers and other sporting personalities who behave in a reckless manner, such as speeding in their cars or in a drunken manner, falling into the gutter after leaving a nightclub or brawling are setting bad examples for fans, and thus giving the impression that their bad manners and general behaviour is acceptable. As a consequence, young people think they can get away with that sort of behaviour. These sports personalities as well as pop musicians and actors who have a loyal following are setting bad examples when they should be trusted to behave in a better fashion.

I think mobile phones and social media have a lot to answer for, as regards manners. How many people do you see walking about as they use their mobile phone? You rarely get eye-contact with anyone these days. Too busy texting. Rarely get any sort of contact with anyone who speaks. If you do, it's usually those of a mature age. Mostly it's the younger generation who are obsessed by mobile phones. I know they have their uses, but when people can't even speak when you try to make conversation, it's a bit of a worry for the future. Are there going to be people who have no social skills? They're going to be sort of stunted, as regards social interaction. People using mobile phones when they're in a restaurant and not paying attention to other people at the table, grossly bad manners in my opinion.

I've heard recently of someone objecting to someone using a mobile phone as they were sitting in the audience for a play in the West End and the person on the mobile punching the person who objected. Also, people eating food while they watched a  play. Just plane bad manners to even think of eating food and being obnoxious. As for using a mobile when watching a play, just thoughtless behaviour and shouldn't be allowed. What on earth is the point of going to see a show, when the tickets are probably very expensive, and then chatting on a mobile phone all the way through it? Do people think it polite to talk all the way through a live performance, annoying for the other audience members and just distracting for the actors who are trying to give a decent performance. I'd have hope he person who punched the man who used a mobile was done for assault. As for eating in the auditorium, definitely not the place to eat.

Aggressive Driving

I may have made some mention of this on more than one blog post, but I'm going to mention it again. Drivers in and around Milton Keynes can be excessively aggressive. I have on more than one occasion had to contend with drivers coming up behind me when I'm out in the car, and attempting to get me to go faster. When I was learning to drive (and it's a good many years since I past my Driving Test.) was taught to drive within my safe limits, for example, not driving at such a speed that I'd feel out of control or too fast. Obviously you would attempt to drive within the legal speed limits (i.e. 30 mp.p.h. in a built up area and up to 70 m.p.h. on open country roads and Motorways.) Around Milton Keynes the speed limit on the Grid Roads is 70 m.p.h. which is a shock to me. There are very few long stretches of road between the various roundabouts which would allow you enough distance to get up to a relatively high speed before you have to slow down at a roundabout. Some drivers seem to think that they don't need to slow down at a roundabout when they arrive and can just speed across, taking very little heed of traffic coming onto the right, giving way etc etc as you are supposed to do (according to the Highway Code.) If you just happen to drive with any care and attention and stop at a roundabout and obey the rules and check before attempting to enter the said roundabout, and a somewhat aggressive drive comes up behind you, some have the idea that they can intimidate you in such a way that you will risk your life  by moving into the traffic when you are sure it is unsafe to do so. Some will even hoot you in order to make you move, even if you are only a fraction of a second late in moving, according to them. Which can be very off-putting.

When I worked as a home carer and used to spend a lot of my time driving from one 'call' to another, I had the misfortune to come across quite a bit of aggressive driving. I was on my way to one evening call, driving along Fulmer Street towards Bletchley at a safe speed. A large van came up behind me, with three young men inside it, or so I could see in my rear-view mirror. They didn't seem to appreciate the speed I was driving nor the fact that I was simply in their way. The driver came right up behind me and seemed to be attempting to get me to move faster, which I refused to do. Then he began moving from side to side across the road behind me, ziz-zagging about across the road, weaving too and from across the road. I found it somewhat frightening and, considering I had had a heart attack, not doing my blood pressure a lot of good. In fact, I had to find a lay-by and pull over to let them pass. Very intimidating experience and totally unacceptable behaviour.

On three occasions I was run into by drivers on roundabouts which had a very detrimental effect on me. In all the years I have driven a car I have never been run into. On each occasion it was not pleasant. My car was damaged and only on one of the three occasions did the driver stop to see whether I was alright.

Last Sunday we drove to Waitrose, which is about  two miles from home down Chaffron Way. On the way out we had to circulate the carpark to get out and came across a car coming in. It was going at an excessive speed and unless we'd stopped when we did we'd have hit it. The female driver was so fixated on getting where she was going, she had no intention of slowing down. It seems that these people who behave in this way are being selfish. We seem to have produced more and more people, and particular car drivers, who have become self-centred. It appears that they are becoming more and more selfish. We are producing even more people, particularly on the internet, on social media such as Facebook and Twitter, who can say quite unpleasant things to people, particularly contestants on such things as 'Strictly Come Dancing' or 'The Great British Bakeoff', which they would never say face to face. It seems it's O.K. to say these unpleasant things on-line, in writing, but not in a direct way to their face. It's as if it wouldn't hurt that person, but actually it does have a psychological effect. A gradual build up of nastiness probably has more effect on someone like this rather than to their face, and this is the same thing as drivers out on the roads. Getting cut up on a roundabout (which has happened to me and Carol on quite a few instances.) does have a marked effect on your confidence as a driver.

Then, on two more occasions on driving out of Waitrose's car park, and in barely two minutes, we came across more of this aggressive driving from other people. We had to come out of their carpark and head left towards the roundabout at Monkston Park and another driver, yet another female, hooted at us to get out of the way because we didn't move fast enough for her. Just plain rudeness in my opinion and then one more, similar, as we approached the roundabout at Eaglestone, at what is called 'Four Bridges.' (So named because of the four foot bridges over the Grid Roads at this point in the road system.)

Several years ago Carol was involved in a car accident at one of the roundabouts on Fulmer Street early one morning. She was waiting in a queue of vehicles at the roundabout when a taxi cab came crashing into the queue. The force of the car crashing into the car at the back of the queue was so great that it forced the car she was driving to cause it to run into the car immediately in front that it got caught onto the tow bar. It gave Carol fairly a serious whiplash injury.  The driver of the car that caused the accident was not paying what they called 'undue care and attention.' No doubt he was using his mobile phone at the time, but certainly not concentrating. I see quite a lot of drivers using their mobiles as they're driving. The most disturbing was when we were driving up the M1 a few years ago and got caught behind a lorry, but as we passed we could see the driver using his mobile. I think he was texting. It doesn't bear thinking the sort of accident he might have caused had he wobbled as he was driving that lorry.

The other concern is what I hear in the news on television about people deliberately causing accidents on the roads in order to make insurance claims. It makes me wonder at time, knowing this sort of information, whether that is what a great many of the cases I've mentioned of 'aggressive driving' is deliberate so as to cause such an accident and then claim on insurance. When people cut you up on a roundabout or those that don't stop at a roundabout, it makes me wonder whether it's deliberate to make a fraudulent insurance claim. Then there's cases of 'road rage', caused when a driver is driving too slow and then being assaulted by a driver who couldn't wait for that slower driver to move out of the way. When knives are used, fists fly and so on, it can be quite scary.

Another recent incident happened the other morning. We drove to Tesco's at Oldbrook. It would have been around 7.15-7.20. We turned into Oldbrook Boulevarde from Strudwick Drive and had just turned left from the roundabout. We were driving through a section of road where there were two carriage-ways, the road being divided down the centre with a paved area. We drove at a reasonable speed, considering it was a built-up area, so the speed was 30 m.p.h. Then a car appeared at speed behind us. It would have been reasonable to expect the driver to merely follow us at 30, but now, he couldn't wait, and shot past us at at least 50-60 m.p.h. All I can say is, thank goodness that there wasn't another vehicle coming in the opposite direction. It was very scary. The driver was laughing as he drove past. It took us quite a while to recover from the shock. Just another incident where it was aggressive driving. It was a pity that there were no speed cameras to record the incident. This is what it needs to stop this sort of behaviour, but, unfortunately, these drivers get away with this behaviour because there are never any police around to see what is going on and then charge them with reckless driving. It's the innocent driver or passer-by who gets injured when things go wrong and an accident occurs.

Lack of Manners

When I was growing up we were expected to have manners in regards behaviour. One was that whenever an adult came into the room you stood up. You certainly didn't talk until spoken to, you never argued with your parents or other adults and if you were travelling on public transport, such as a bus or train, you'd give up your seat for an adult and in particular a lady. Where have manners gone? Out of the window it seems in most cases. I'm  not suggesting for one moment that everyone has bad manners, but it seems that quite a few people  I meet and very much in particular, young people, manners seem to have gone out of the window. I have mentioned the 'tail-gating' incidents that I've encountered whilst driving around Milton Keynes, whereby some drivers insist on driving right up behind you and attempting to get you to go faster or just get out of the way for you. On the odd occasion I've been cut up on roundabouts, where driver cut in front of you to get through faster. I have been run into because it seems I haven't moved onto a roundabout fast enough, which can be quite scary, particularly when you are waiting at a very busy roundabout and at times of heavy traffic. This can be worst when you can't see the traffic coming round and would be helped if there was a clearer view with the removal of trees and bushes on the centre of the roundabout. Some people can get very aerated if you don't do what they want you to and you often get someone waving their fists at you or hooting their horns. All it does is increase your blood pressure and your own. Stupid really. Sometimes I'm walking along the Redway around  Milton Keynes and you encounter someone on a bicycle. They should slow down or even stop if they meet pedestrians. They seem to think you'll immediately get out of the way for them. Or at least slow down, because I don't fancy being run into by a bicycle travelling at speed. Also, cyclists riding on pavements. I was always lead to believe that pavements were meant for pedestrians and roads and cycleways were for cyclists, or perhaps I got it wrong.

Carol tells me about the children she teaches. Some talk over her when she's attempting to teach, others can be just downright obnoxious. They drop litter. When challenged, they answer 'I didn't do it.' or 'someone else can pick it up.' Surprises me, because I was under the impression that today's children were conscious of the environment and the damage litter can do.

One of the worst offences I come across is when you are in conversation with someone and they get their mobile out, perhaps to answer it, either a text or a call, and then continue a conversation on the mobile as if you weren't there. Worse still, texting and completely ignoring you. Please, just say, 'excuse me' before answering a call or text message. Can't a call or text wait until the conversation with you is over? Another one is people with earphones stuck in, sometimes on a train or bus, and the thing making noises, music that comes out of the earphones in a sort of buzz or insect-like noise, or people ignoring other's eye-contact because their so busy with an iPod or mobile phone. What has happened to the art of conversation? Modern technology seems to have caused a generation to become incapable of proper speech.

Tailgating To Be Made Illegal

I see from the BBC television news that the Government is to make tailgating an offence. I have mention in earlier posts how I constantly get drivers coming up very close to me as I drive around Milton Keynes (although  this has happened on roads elsewhere.) and try to push you out of the way just because you're driving a small car and they think you are driving too slowly (usually well within the speed limit.) Also, you will be fined if you are caught hogging the central lane on a Motorway. This does happen frequently when we drive anywhere on Britain's Motorway system. I believe this central lane is for overtaking and not a lane for drivers to take over almost for their exclusive use. It really is quite difficult to keep within the legal speed limit as it is without being forced to go faster just because someone else insists you go faster. I had several occasions when I was driving around Milton Keynes as  a home carer where drivers were using really dangerous methods of driving to get you out of the way. On one occasion I was driving to one of my evening calls in Bletchley, minding my own business, and driving well within the speed limit, when this Transit van came up behind me extremely closely, with three large workmen in it. They wanted to get me to get out of the way, which I wasn't going to do, but then began weaving about all over the road in a quite aggressive and intimidating manner, to such a degree that I had to pull over in a layby and let them go past. On three occasions I was run into by cars as I approached roundabouts (as you may, or, indeed, may not be aware, Milton Keynes is renowned for it's roundabouts.) merely because these cars are driven by people who imagine they don't have to stop at a roundabout and anyone who gets in the way will just get hit. I have since learned from watching television that there is a scam going whereby drivers deliberatly run into other cars so as to claim compensation for these false accidents.
I understand that they have also increased the fine for driving whilst using a mobile phone. A good thing, but I often wonder how on earth you police this, as I see so many people flouting the law and brazenly driving with a mobile stuck to their ear and with no thought given to the safety aspect. How many actually get caught, as there are never any police around at the time I see this. And similarly with tailgating.

Impatient Drivers

Been to take Sam to work. Coming out of the industrial estate at Winterhill can be a bit stressful. You can cross the duel carriageway and back home that way, but it's generally safer to go up to the roundabout near ToysRus and go round and back onto the carriageway there. Which I did today. The traffic comes along Grafton Street at full-speed. It's like a racetrack. I really think there should be a speed limit of around 50 m.p.h. on the grid roads around Milton Keynes. We live off Saxon Street, which is next to  Milton Keynes hospital and Milton Keynes Academy. There is a 40 m.p.h. speed limit, no doubt imposed because of the hospital and the Academy.  I think it may be there because there have been a couple of deaths because people have to cross the road which is dangerous when they should use either a bridge or under-pass. A great many drivers seem unaware of this speed limit, even though there are clear signs as you come off the roundabout (known locally as Four Bridges, as there are footbridges over the grid roads at the roundabout.) But if you attempt to keep to the speed limit you are likely to get cars coming up behind you and trying to get you to go faster (as I've mentioned in earlier posts.) This morning I got to the roundabout after coming out of Winterhill and was waiting for the traffic to clear before going onto the roundabout. As I got there, no cars were behind me, but suddenly a car did appear as I could see it in my rear-view mirror. Just a few seconds of patient waiting and this woman began hooting impatiently. So, did she think I was going to pull into the road and cause a collision with another vehicle? Why are people so impatient? Is it perhaps because they don't like the idea of stopping at roundabouts? If so, I just hope they have good insurance. Along Saxon Street they have used a traffic calming device which tells you your speed as you approach, and if you are travelling at the correct speed (40 m.p.h.) you get a smiley face. If you are going to fast you get a miserable face. I think these are more effective than having speed cameras which can give you a fine, as sometimes they are there just as a way of raising cash for the local authority. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning speeding. It's just that speed cameras can have a rather negative effect- when you see them you slow down, but once you've got past you speed up again, rather negating their effectiveness.