Changeable Weather

(Thursday) It was a bit of a shock to wake up this morning and find that the house is really cold. I had to put the central heating on and wear my dressing gown to warm up. 'A cold and frosty start,' according to Carol Kirkwood on BBC Breakfast, as she does the weather forecast as I write this. 'A milder night,' tomorrow she told her viewers.

When I eventually plucked up courage to go out with Alfie I found that it was not only chilly, but there was a vague, light rain falling. I didn't intend making our usual detour of Eaglestone Park and we cut across and did barely half our usual walk. Alfie wasn't bothered, and he shook himself several times because he really hates getting damp. It was good to come back to a warm house.

I'm having to clean under Alfie's eyes. I have to do this every day and was told to do this when he went to the vet's to have the nasty accumulated mess that built up under each of his eyes and had been neglected due to my visits to Carol in hospital and in Willen. I shouldn't really use that as an excuse. I use  damp cotton wool, but he is beginning to get used to it. He's now coming to sit on my knee to do this. He doesn't mind me doing under one eye, but the other has far more of the built-up matter and he growls at me and bares his teeth. I don't think he'd bite me, but he doesn't like me doing this. It does, however, seem to be working, so all the fuss is worth the effort. I just don't want to have to take him back to the vet's, basically, because it costs a fair amount. No N.H.S. for dogs and I don't have pet insurance.

(Friday) A relatively mild morning, with the sun shining brightly.

(Saturday) The weather continues to be mild.

(Sunday) There's a howling wind outside this morning. I have a feeling it's been raining. At any rate, as I was shaving earlier in the bathroom, I could see dribbles of rain coming down the bathroom window, so that might suggest . . . rain?

I got up a good deal later than usual. I'm not going to the 9.15 service at Shenley Christian Fellowship this morning but instead going to the 11.15 service. I'm staying on afterwards fo the Newcomer's Lunch. I've been going there for near enough 2 years and haven't managed to get to one of these, what I'd call 'Introductory' meals, which gives some sort of background to Shenley. Nice to not have to make a meal for myself. As a result of getting up later this morning, Alfie won't be going out for his walk until past 8a.m.

Jut been out with Alfie. The wind still rages. Bitterly cold. I think it's what they call 'bracing.' I have to be careful, having a heart problem. Variations in temperature, either too hot or too cold, can set off an angina attack, so I didn't stay out too long. I don't think Alfie was that bothered. I don't think he's over-keen abut the cold either. I'm not going to risk things so it was better to come back to a warm house.

There is one thing to be said, and that's the fact that the days are beginning to draw out. It's getting lighter earlier and earlier each morning. I don't like winter particularly. I'm not all that fond of things when the clocks change to winter and we have to put up with it getting dark at around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I'm a morning person and don't like having to go out after dark. Pity really. Carol and I were the same on that matter. We'd go out early and usually be the first to arrive at wherever we went, usually arriving at a National Trust property before everyone else and be the first when they opened their doors.

So, the Duke of Edinburgh has at last apologised to the woman who's car he ran into in Norfolk when he was coming out of a turn near Sandringham.  The Duke said in his letter that he had problems with a 'low sun,' which dazzled him. A letter which he must have been told be had to write. He signed it, but I can't imagine him saying anything to the woman face to face. Mind you, she's made a big issue out of the fact that he hadn't apologised and I bet she got well paid for her story by whichever newspaper it was that ran the story. But the issue is, should a man of his age, regardless of his position as a member of the royal family, and perhaps more importantly, consort of Her Majesty, still be driving? How many 97-year-olds who have had even a slight accident would still be allowed to continue to drive their cars? I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when Her Majesty bought the subject up. 'Philip, dear, I think it's really time you gave up driving that Range Rover.' And why was he driving a good 48 hours after the incident? And, to cap it all, not wearing a seat belt? I wouldn't have wanted to be the police officer who had to tell Philip off for not wearing said seat belt. If we'd done it, we'd have been prosecuted or had several penalty points on our driving license.

 I made good use of my time this morning because I didn't go to the early church service. I've had the washing machine on and it's done and everything now on the clothes driers. It's no good waiting to do such mundane things. I would have most likely have done this later in the week.  And I've read some of my book, 'A Classless Society,' by Alwyn Turner. I suppose I could have hung the washing out on the line in the garden because it's sunny, but I still don't trust that it won't rain. Never mind. At least the job is done. Also, I've managed to write this blog post. Which I haven't been doing regularly for the past month or two if you're a regular reader.

Later. A really good service from 11.15 this morning. There's a lot more who attend and lots of people I don't know, but that's probably a good thing. You can get a bit stale if you don't change things slightly. It was strange coming in at a time I'm normally going out, but the lunch was good, finding out a bit more about the background to S.C.F.

The wind is blowing as strong as ever. It rained during my time at S.C.F. But it has calmed down as I write this (3.15p.m.).

Later still. I've been watching the ITV drama series 'Cleaning Up,'  which stars Sheridan Smith. I tried to download it on my Sky Q box, but when I tried, I got a 'failed' message. I attempted it several times, but still it 'failed.' I then tried to watch through the Fire Stick, went to the ITV Hub app, managed to start watching but when I paused the thing to go to the loo, when I returned to continue watching, the whole thing froze. I tried to find the cause, but failed, until I went onto the Amazon website (the Firestick is part of Amazon.) I was told to unplug the power, replug the thing and then re-install the thing. This appeared to work and I was able to watch this show. I wasn't expecting to get so involved. A really thought-provoking show with believable situations and characters. I got drawn in and then watched the second episode immediately after the first. Cam't wait to see the third episode to find out how things conclude. There are altogether 6 episodes of this drama series.

Doing This and That

I had a telephone call from Theresa, who is part of the Family Support group at Willen Hospice. She spoke a lot to Carol when she was in Willen. She was ringing to discover how I was getting on since Carol passed away. She said I might like to have bereavement counselling, which I agreed. She said that she would pass on my name and try to find someone to come and see me. I got a call a few days later from a lady called Hilary and she came out to see me last Friday morning. I was told that there was a group of people who met in the  John Lewis restaurant on a Monday morning. Hilary was there when I arrived at 10a.m. I was introduced to the group and it was a pleasant time just getting to know people and having a chance to chat. They have outings and also meet in a pub for a meal somewhere in Milton Keynes. I believe it's called The Barn, somewhere in the City centre.

I've recently bought a soundbar for my Hitachi High Definition television. It's made by Goodmans. I got it because it was on offer in Sainsbury's. I had some fun setting it up. It will connect using Bluetooth, to my Kindle as well as my iPhone. I have the BBC 'Sounds' app on the iPhone and you can listen to radio, podcasts or download broadcasts, such as comedy or drama. I had a problem getting it to connect to the television. In the manual which came with the device they suggest that for best results to use the 'optical' connection, but a lead for this did not come with the device so I had to go to buy the cable from Currys. I attempted to connect it to the sounder but it would not work. The actual plug just wouldn't connect to either the television or the soundbar. I tried this several times but almost gave up. I then decided to use Google and I found a YouTube video. Low and behold, it suggested removing the plastic covers on each end of the cable. No? Why was this not in the manual or other places? So, I took off these clear plastic covers, and would you guess? The lead fits perfectly! I assumed these clear plastic covers were part of the lead, not there to protect the end of the lead. Why is no mention of this in the manual? Then I followed the instructions in the manual and now the thing connects perfectly and boosts the television sound considerably!

I was in the kitchen, preparing my evening meal. I just happened to look out of the patio doors and, lo and behold! I see it's snowing! Quite heavily. Alfie was wandering about and it looked as if he might need to go out into the garden. I slid the door open and he stuck his head out. He had one look at the falling snow, and withdrew into the house. I can hardly blame the poor little dog. He doesn't like cold and he wasn't going to venture forth. He's currently curled up on the sofa, in the bundle of blankets he likes very much.

(Wednesday) I put the rubbish out for the bin men early this morning and I was more than a little surprised to discover we'd had a fall of snow. Not a lot, but enough. When is there ever enough snow?

A bit later . . . I've discovered a load more of Carol's medication in one of the kitchen cupboards. I put it all together in a carrier bag and took it to Lloyd's pharmacy in Sainsbury's this morning. I have also thrown out no end of part-used packets, bottles and jars of stuff from one of the kitchen cupboards and as a result there's a good deal more space in that cupboard. It needed doing. It's all gone out in black plastic bags and now taken away by the bin men. I was surprised that it had all been taken away when I got back from Sainsbury's.

The sun is out and it's quite warm now (11.00 a.m.) Now sitting in the lounge writing this and resting after the exertions of going to Sainsbury's and then emptying the cupboards. It's quite therapeutic. I think that's the word.

Next Wednesday I'm booked to have my second stent fitted at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford. I had a telephone call from one of the nurses there to find out if I was alright. I told them I wanted the think over and done with. I'm on the morning list and may be there until about 5p.m. 

Winter Weather, Viewing and Reading

Sunday started off with quite a shock to the system when I took Alfie our for his early-morning walk around Eaglestone Park this morning, because there was a more than usually very sharp frost. I had to make sure I was layered up, with a T shirt on and then one of my long-sleeved Rugby shirts and then my red Regatta fleece, topped off with my Regatta jacket. Last of all, gloves. It's not a good idea to get too cold when you have had a heart attack. Likewise, if it's too hot, as it was for a long period during the summer. Can infact be quite dangerous. I have already sprayed the car's windows with de-icer, although, by the time I took Alfie out, it was freezing up once more. So, running the engine of the car and having the heated windows on and the interior heater on should do the trick. I don't relish the through of driving with the windows either frozen up or misted over.

As the day wore on, the sun came out, but it was deceptive because it was still fairly chilly.

The BBC1 weather forecast at just before 6 o'clock this evening says that we can expect 'a short frost.' So, it's likely to be extremely cold over-night and even colder when I eventually take Alfie out tomorrow morning. Never mind, I'll just have to wrap up warm.

I'm currently reading a book called 'A Classless Society: Britain in the 1990s,' by Alwyn W.Turner. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm endeavouring to read about this country from around the end of the Second World War right up to the present day (if at all possible.) This latest book covers not just the politics of the era, from the downfall of Margaret Thatcher and her successor, John Major, but the popular culture, such as pop music, television and cinema.

I've also been reading 'Nutshell' by Ian McEwan. It's loosely based on a section of Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet.' It's told through the voice of an unborn child. A very clever concept for a murder. I won't say any more, but it's a well crafted piece of writing which draws you in cleverly. Well worth a read and written by one of our finest novelists.

Television drama. We're really spoilt for choice at the moment. There isn't anything better than getting caught up in a really good drama series. In some ways television has the advantage over cinema, because you've got an almost endless playing length. A film can only be a certain length, say 90 minutes to 2 hours 30 minutes. Television drama is usually served up in one hour segments, which is a far more comfortable length for the average viewer to endure. I've been lent the DVDs of the first season of 'The Crown.' I don't have a Netflix subscription, the company behind this show. I'm really enjoying this series. It has really held my attention.

I'm watching the BBC1 adaptation of 'Les Misérables.' I've seen the musical, the original West End production, which I loved, as well as the movie which came out in 2012. I have also read the novel by Victor Hugo, upon which it is based. A good 1,500 pages. The new Andrew Davies-scripted adaptation opens up the narrative and gives far more context to the story. It's extremely gritty and realistic which makes it far more hard-hitting. It is being adapted in 6 hour-long episodes, which means there is plenty of time to do real justice to the story and the characters.

Plenty of history documentaries to keep me occupied. I've subscribed to a streaming service called 'History Hit,' which I have through my Amazon Fire Stick. Really spoilt for choice. Original documentaries and material first shown on BBC channels. The popular television historian Dan Snow is involved with this project. He fronts several documentaries on the platform, some under the title 'Snow On The Road.'

I was looking forward to Sky's adaptation of Sue Townsend's novel, 'The Queen and I.' I have read the book and enjoyed it, but the actual film adaptation was, for me at least, a real let-down. The acting was generally rather weak, the whole thing more like a weak cartoon caricature that anything else. I gave up watching after about half way. Heavy-handed direction and a somewhat limp script didn't help. The same could be said of 'The Discovery of Witches,' based on the novel by Deborah Harkness. Just not the sum of its parts. The concept of the show had real potential but it didn't warrant the investment in time and effort to watch so I didn't see it through to the end of the series. Just a bit limp and uninspiring, unfortunately.

Alfie Visits The Vet

(Thursday)Well, the day got off to a difficult start. I looked out of the bathroom window as I was shaving this morning and I saw it was raining. So I thought that there was absolutely no way I could take Alfie out for his customary walk across Eaglestone Park. It was far too dark at that moment to go out, and when I had another look through the kitchen window I saw snowflakes falling.  Just a smattering or a scattering. It didn't settle, nor did it last long, fortunately, so we soon got outside, having gone through the routine of getting dressed without Alfie being aware. I kept him in the lounge so he couldn't see me putting on my shoes and jacket. Once outside it was relatively mild.

I have been concerned with the nasty mess which has built up under each of Alfie's eyes. It had become quite unsightly. I think it's caused by his eyes weeping, or at least, it's a bit like tears and builds up beneath each eye and over time it builds up and can be quite unsightly. It should be removed by merely wiping with a damp piece of cotton wool. Because of concentrating on other things over the past few months, I had neglected this. Under different circumstances I would have dealt with it. I took him to the vets within Pets At Home at the retail park at Bletchley, having been there earlier in the week to book an appointment. I took him in the cage in the back of the car, because he won't travel within the main body of the car without making problems. He just won't sit still. On arriving at the retail park, I parked the car and went to open the rear hatch where the cage with Alfie in it was. As soon as I raised the hatch he was out of the cage. Fortunately I managed to catch him. I had obviously not secured the gate properly, but he would have been off across the carpark if I hadn't been quick. I carried him inside the Pets At Home store and towards the vets section. Alfie, in his usual fashion, made an almighty sound as I carried him into the store. His barking echoed around the vastness of the warehouse-sized building. I got to the reception desk of the Vets For Pets section of the store. I had to wait with Alfie in the 'Dogs' waiting area (as opposed to the 'Cats' section. I don't think Alfie would have approved of sitting there, or if we had, he would have wanted to chase any pussycats away, as he does when any enter our garden!) It was some time before we were shown into the consulting room by one of the vets, called Bruno. I put Alfie on the metal-topped table so the vet could examine Alfie. He had to weight Alfie, and put a digital scales on the table and Alfie was placed on this device.

Alfie doesn't like me touching the mess under either of his eyes. I had hoped I could soften the mass of debris under his eyes, by using cotton wool soaked in water. I had imagined that, with time and effort, I could soften each area and it would eventually come away easily. But he only wriggled about and he growled at me. I don't think he would bite me, but he was getting really stressed each time I attempted to do this. Which was the reason why I had to take him to a vet to have the problem resolved. I was hoping that there would be a simple method of removing the built-up mess under Alfie's eyes. I was expecting the vet to have some sort of method to do this. Perhaps something which could be applied and would gradually dissolve the built-up matter. But he didn't suggest anything, but said that perhaps he would need to sedate Alfie to prevent him getting stressed so that he could remove the built-up matter. He then told me I would need to leave Alfie at the surgery and he would need to have a nurse to assist him to remove the built-up matter from Alfie's face. I was somewhat concerned, because if a sedative was used I was concerned for Alfie's safety, not that I'm suggesting that the vet didn't know his job and that Alfie would be in any danger if he had a sedative. But considering the last few months, any thought of loosing my best companion would deal me an enormous blow. He's been such good company during the time I had to go through with Carol being in hospital and her eventual death. So, I left Alfie with the vet and I was told that the surgery would telephone me when Alfie was ready to be collected.

I left the store and went to the car and drove home. I must say, entering the house, it was really strange not having Alfie there, to be greeted by him with his loud barking and yapping and coming up to meet me. Probably no stranger than not having Carol's presence in the house. It is taking a long time to come to terms with the fact that she won't be coming home. Particularly in the evening, when she would be coming home from work at Milton Keynes Academy and I would have our evening meal ready for her when she came in and we'd sit down together to watch television, usually the gameshow 'Pointless' on BBC1.

I got home and spent time resting. After about an hour I got a call from the vets to say Alfie was ready to collect. I drove back to the retail park and was glad to see Alfie with the horrible built-up mess gone, but each place where it had been pink and somewhat raw-looking. I paid the bill and was given a pack of antibiotics tablets. I have to give Alfie a quarter of each tablets twice a day and I should also keep cleaning each wound at least once a day with cotton wool and water which should prevent a further build-up of the weeping matter. Alfie, as usual, gave us a rendition of his barking and yapping and I put him in the cage in the back of the car and drove home.

I gave Alfie the first dose of the antibiotics. I have to give him a quarter of a tablet. They are large and you have to cut them with a knife which is quite difficult and then the section of tablet has to be crushed before it's mixed in with his food. You have to be careful when you cut a tablet, that pieces don't shoot out when they are cut and then crushed. 

Annoying Technology

I have mentioned in earlier posts the problems we've had with the gas boiler in this house. Several years ago the landlord had to put in a new one. Reluctantly, I would say, because he doesn't like spending money! In all the time we've lived in this house, he hasn't done a single bit of maintenance. We had to sort out the garden fence, if you recall. The old fence just fell apart. There was absolutely nothing which could be done with what was left. The side fence, to the right, blew over in a strong wind. Fortunately it wasn't our responsibility and the council (who own the house next door.) had it replaced with a very substantial piece of fence. The fence on the left, which is our legal responsibility (no, that's not true. As tenants it's actually the landlord's responsibility.) But we shared the cost with our neighbours, Garry and Shelly, and they managed to get a fence panel to replace old crumbling piece of fence.

Last night (Sunday) I wanted to have a hot bath. My one luxury! I began to run the water, but it was cold! I was certain there was sufficient on the pre-payment meter. But it was obvious that it wasn't. There was no way I could get top-up for the gas meter. It's a bit of an effort to check the meter. It's in the bin cupboard at the front of the house, which means you need to have something to stand on (we have a step stool which we got from IKEA for this job.) and it's not that easy to get to the meter which is at the back of the cupboard and you put your life in peril by having to lean precariously on the stool, put the yellow gas card into the slot in the meter and press the appropriate button on the confounded meter and wait to see what money is left on the thing on the digital display.  This is a fairly easy job to do if it's daylight, but almost impossible if it's nighttime and dark. I attempted to use my iPhone as a source of light, but it didn't really work. If the credit has run out, you can have £5 emergency top-up until you can go to a convenient shop which will allow you to pay for top-up to be put on the card. Then, if you've used any of the £5 emergency credit, the meter deducts however much of the emergency credit you've used from the amount you've put on the card when you bought it at whichever shop you've been to to top-up the card. (Sorry that this is so convoluted but that's how it is unfortunately.) I went to the Eaglestone shop just after 7a.m. to put on £20 of credit on the gas card. I came back home and went out to the bin cupboard to put the credit on the meter but wasn't sure whether it had worked. It was still relatively dark so it was difficult to see the digital display on the meter. You have to turn off the boiler before putting credit on the meter, which I had before going to the shop. The thing worked! Thank goodness. Which meant I could have a shave and then take Alfie out for his walk. He had waited patiently for me to take him. I can't begin my day without having a shave. I've always been like that. I don't know why, but there it is. A good wash with hot water and soap and a wet shave and I'm fine. I can't be bothered with an electric shaver. They never shave properly and I'd probably have to have a second shave later in the day.

Well, mid-morning a van drew up outside the house. It was the gas engineer coming to check the boiler. As it turned out, the thing was fine. He told me that there was no possibility of dangerous fumes coming into the house. Modern gas boilers vent their fumes out through the flue which sticks out through a hole in the wall, and if there was a problem the boiler would shut down automatically, which was a good thing to know. It now has it's safety certificate for another year so I don't need to worry about it, thank goodness.

Moving On

Carol's funeral was yesterday (Friday 11th January). It was at the Crownhill Crematorium. I had been concerned about how it would go for the past month. Infact, from the day that Carol passed away. I wasn't sure at one stage how things such as the music would go, who was going to do the eulogy, what hymns to choose, even what catering would have been required at the wake, down to how many people were likely to attend. I had to make all the decisions myself. As it turned out, they were the right ones, thankfully.

As I've mentioned in an earlier post, I went to stay with my daughter Chloe and Steve, her husband, who live in Worcester. I took Alfie with me. But unfortunately, when I was packing up to come home, I forgot one or two items. I have to admit the funeral had been on my mind for the entire time I was there. Alfie's bed, my slippers as well as my shaving kit. I was thinking about the journey home and was eager to get going. Fortunately Chloe bought all these items with her when she and Steve came to the funeral on Friday. Alfie usually sleeps with me on my bed, but sometimes he goes downstairs and sleeps on the sofa. I think it's because Carol spent a lot of time laying on the sofa, usually in great pain. I think that Alfie expects her to come in the house and he spent time with her on the sofa. But now he has his bed back, in the corner near the patio doors in the kitchen, he goes and sleeps there at night. It's really difficult to know what's going on in his little doggy head. He must miss Carol. Why would he not? How do you explain to a dog where their mistress has gone and why they're not coming back? It's difficult enough for me to comprehend, but a dog?

I don't intend just sitting at home dwelling on things. I know that Carol wouldn't expect me to. I went to the men's breakfast at the Oaktree Centre this morning, from 8a.m. We had a beautifully cooked breakfast, sausage, bacon, egg, baked beans, black pudding, the works, or 'Full English' as they call it. Alfie was expecting his usual early morning walk, but, because it was too dark and I had to get to Shenley, he didn't go. I promised him I'd take him when I got home.

Unfortunately there was a problem when I got home. I went to Morrison's on my way home from the men's breakfast. I unloaded the shopping and went to put the key in the front door to open it. But for some reason the key wouldn't open the door. It just would not turn. It's one of those doors which has to be opened by twisting the handle up. I think it's called a 'double lock' or something. It was as if someone had changed the locks when I'd been out, although I knew it wasn't that. I panicked a bit and then had to go next door to get Garry to open the door for me. He came and said it might be something to do with the screws in the lock. I hope that's all it is, because I don't need to not be able to get into the house when I go out.

I managed to sort out the problem with the front door. I used some WD40 on the lock and the various moving parts of the door and it now seems fine. It would appear that that was all it needed. Amazing what a short spray of that product can do, thank goodness! It was worrying me that I would have further problems when I left the house, but I managed to go to church this morning, as I usually do, but I didn't take Alfie out for his usual morning walk through Eaglestone Park, because I wasn't convinced that the front door would behave itself. But, when I came home from church, I put Alfie on his lead and we walked across the park until we came upon two ladies walking there dogs. Alfie was his usual self and went up to the dogs, but they didn't want to be friends. One of the ladies told me that there was a man walking several dogs, not on leads, through the park, and I was somewhat concerned. I didn't ant Alfie to encounter these dogs, just incase he got bitten or at least hurt in some way, so we cut across the park and got to the Redway which runs along the side of Marlborough Street and then came back home along the Redway behind the house and the route I used to use when I walked to the hospital. So, Alfie got his walk, as promised, and I clocked up quite a few steps and got some good exercise.

A New Year

So,  as we enter a new year. I only trust and hope (and pray) that 2019 is better than 2018. There will be a very big hole in my life, left when Carol passed away. We had an amazing marriage. 11 years of total joy. We did so much together, we visited so many places, discovered so many new things as a couple. The battle with cancer was very difficult. We had hopes that it could be won. Carol got through 12 cycles of chemotherapy without too much trouble. Then she got the infection which lead to her being in hospital for several periods, until the final stretch which eventually lead to her going into Willen Hospice for them to deal with the awful pain she had to endure. They managed to find the right combination of medication to relieve the pain and then she had to move out of Willen (because they could only allow her to stay for no more than 5 weeks.) which eventually lead to her moving to Castlemead Court where she eventually died barely a week later.

Carol had her sights set on going back to work. She loved her job as a science teacher. It was very stressful but that didn't put her off. I was able to support her by being at home, looking after the house, shopping, cleaning and making sure she had a meal when she got home in the evening. She was almost alway at work before other members of staff, usually by 7.15. It's only a short walk from our home to the Academy, so I could go and meet her as she left in the afternoon. She will be sadly missed by her colleagues and pupils. How many times we would be out in Milton Keynes, shopping or doing nothing in particular, when we would have one of her students come to see her and tell her that they had to thank her for helping them gain whatever qualification so they could achieve their ambition, for example, get to university. Or she would find a former pupil working somewhere, probably on a supermarket checkout or similar. Quite heartening to think she has left a legacy like that. But, as the cancer took hold it seemed unlikely that she would ever return to work. The pain she experienced was too much.

When we first got the diagnosis around 18 months ago, it was a terrible shock. I told Carol then that I would be with her all the way along the journey, however difficult. And it was. The worst thing being that, however much pain and suffering she had to endure, there was nothing much I could do do help. All I could do was be at her side and watch. I managed to be with her every day she was in hospital, and at every consultant and doctor's appointment and every single chemotherapy session. We did manage to visit some interesting places in the early days after the diagnosis, but there were times when it was obvious that Carol was in intense pain. It was extremely difficult for me to see someone who was so lively, had a degree in earth sciences, went on to become an extremely popular and successful science teacher, who enjoyed reading, playing games on her Kindle, sometimes playing Scrabble with me when she was in hospital, and then, over a relatively short period, doing none of these things, just laying in bed, in excruciating pain, and doing nothing, spending long periods asleep, and drugged to the point that she could barely tell what the time of day was or what was going on.

Bringing Things Up To Date

I haven't posted on here for well over a week. The way things have been going I really had no desire to write anything. Carol's passing has hit me hard. We had such a wonderful life together. The funeral is arranged for 11th January at Crownhill Crematorium at 2 p.m.  Postcode : MK8 OAH. The finer details are beginning to be put in place, such as what hymns and songs will be sung and the numbers for catering for the wake, which will be at the Oaktree Centre, the address of which is: Wallinger Drive, Shenley Brook End, MILTON KEYNES, MK5 7GZ.

I was invited to stay with my daughter Chloe and her husband, Steve, in Worcester over the Christmas period, from the Saturday before Christmas until the Wednesday after the New Year holiday. It would mean I wouldn't be on my own in the house in Milton Keynes, and I could take Alfie, my Yorkshire Terrier, with me. I had, at first, asked if I could be collected from home to be taken back to Worcester, but it proved impossible. Then Chloe suggested possibly going by railway, but it would have meant at least a two-hour journey and a change in Birmingham. It would have been difficult taking Alfie, probably on a lead or at least a carrying case of some sort along with luggage. Not going to happen. Then I thought, I've got a perfectly good car, which has only recently been serviced, in good working order. I can drive to Worcester, fill up with fuel in Milton Keynes and go across country. It'll be a lovely journey. I didn't envision using the Motorway as I'm not a good driver on a Motorway. So I left mid-morning on the Saturday and it was fine driving from Milton Keynes, through Buckingham and then out towards Banbury. I didn't need to set the satnav for that section of the journey. I had intended then finding the road for Evesham and then onto Worcester, but I got into Banbury at exactly the wrong time. Nose-to-tail traffic, of people doing their last-minute Christmas shopping. I could not find my way out. I eventually had to set the satnav for Chloe and Steve's postcode and just followed the directions. It took me via the M40 and eventually the M5. It was fairly straightforward and the traffic wasn't too heavy and I just stayed in the slower lane most of the way. When I got to Worcester I had to reset the satnav for the final stretch to Chloe's address and arrived at their front door at around 3.30.

When I'd unloaded Alfie from the cage in the boot (incidentally, he'd been absolutely quite for the entire journey. Probably because I'd put the parcel shelf in which would have meant it would have been quite dark in the back of the car and he'd be safe in the cage.) I took him into the house. I don't think he was expecting two young children to be running about, George, age 3 and Eddie, just turned 1 (not quite walking but getting there.) so whenever George ran around, Alfie began to bark. It took him a while to settle down and by the weekend he had got used to having them about.

So, we had a lovely Christmas Day with Steve's parents and his sister, Katy, as well as other family members, which included Steve's grandfather who is in his mid 90's I spent a lot of time chatting to him. They Skyped other members of the Wilson family who could not be in Britain, spread far and wide, a couple in Australia. I've never used Skype before, so it was a new experience. The picture and sound quality is amazing when you think how far away some of the family members are. I'll have to give it a go sometime. In the evening we sat around a table and played games, one being Linkee which is similar in some ways to the BBC1 show 'Only Connect.' Another one was to identify objects from a very close-up photo.

We walked to a park, or, at least, a large green space. It seemed to be a popular place to walk dogs and Alfie made friends with one or two, but one large dog kept following us. It wasn't on a lead, which was annoying, and I don't think Alfie liked being followed. It took some while to get any mud off his paws when we got back to the house.

On Saturday we went to what is called Worcester Woods where there was a run. I don't know how many participated, but probably several hundred. Alfie came in the car, but he sat on my lap but he wouldn't sit still. Then, when we got out of the car, he didn't appreciate the crowds and I didn't appreciate all the mud. None of this made life easy for me, but never mind. He had a lovely run around a large field. Not really my sort of thing, but never mind.

I didn't leave Worcester until Wednesday morning. I thought it probably best not to travel back to Milton Keynes over the holiday period as there was likely to be heavy traffic on the Motorways. I left at around 8.45 and got to Milton Keynes at around 10.45. I had managed to reset the satnav the night before, but I couldn't get it to work once I left Worcester, so I just decided to get on the M5 and make for the M42, then the M40 and got off onto the road I know reasonably well and went through Buckingham and back towards Milton Keynes that way. I really need to spend a bit more time looking at the satnav in the car before I go on another long journey and set it up properly.