Difficult Post

I haven't posted on here for well over a week, which, if you are a regular reader of my ramblings in this blog, will not have surprised you. The reason is that my lovely wife, Carol, passed away on 11th December. The last 18 months or so have been a really traumatic journey, from the original diagnosis, through 12 completed cycles of chemotherapy, the infection she got after the final chemo cycle, the hospitals stays (I've lost count of how many she had.), but throughout I have gone with her for each consultants appointment, chemo cycle in the oncology department at Milton Keynes University Hospital, consultant's appointments at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford, Endoscopy, M.R.I. and as  well as C.T. scans, then to Willen Hospice and finally, Castlemead Court in Newport Pagnell.

I have been supported throughout all this by members of Shenley Christian Fellowship, particularly our Pastor, Ross Dilnot, who was with me on the morning of Carol's death. He came with me when I went to the Registry Office to register the death, which we did last Friday morning and then to Mason's, the undertaker's in Newport Pagnell to arrange the funeral, which will be at 2 p.m. on 11th January at Crownhill Crematorium.

I was supposed to have had a second stent fitted the following day, 12th December, at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford. I was driven there by Tim O'Brien who is a member of S.C.F. There was no way I could drive, and I was supposed to get to the hospital department by 7.30a.m. Also, I was told that I would not be able to drive after the procedure. I was on the morning list, so I'd be finished and ready to come home around midday.

But, unfortunately, I had a bit of a meltdown. I should have cancelled the procedure, but it was barely 24 hours since Carol had passed away. So I discussed this with one of the nurses and explained that I was feeling depressed over Carol's passing. She understood and suggested they postpone the procedure. Then one of the doctors came to talk to me and said that there was no immediate emergency regarding the procedure and it could be postponed until sometime in January. Hopefully after the funeral. The doctor had to ring Tim on his mobile because he had gone off to park in a park-and-ride carpark with the intention of going into the centre of Oxford until I was finished after the procedure. Everyone understood that what I have been going through was traumatic and emotional enough and that it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to go ahead with the procedure.

This is a shorter-than-usual post, for me, at least. It was really difficult to write. It has actually taken a few days to put into words what's been happening, but now I've completed it. It's going to be a difficult couple of weeks as you can imagine.

Things That Have Disappeared

Now, it's one of those mysteries. What, you may ask? Well, I was driving through the countryside the other morning and was aware of the passing scenery, as you do. I was fully aware of the other traffic, making sure I kept the car on the road, not too close to the vehicle in front, keeping to the speed limit and making sure I was going in the right direction to my destination. As I glanced around, it suddenly occurred to me, what ever happened to . . . . telegraph poles? What is odd, in this day and age, do we have such things as telegraphs? Do they refer to telegrams? What on earth, it has suddenly struck me, do, or did, (is that grammatical I wonder?) a telegraph pole actually DO? Are they (or were they?) support the cables that transmit telephone calls? So, why do I not see any as I drive about the countryside? If not, how do telephone calls get from A too B? Are the cables that once, long ago, were strung along these poles, now hidden underground, perhaps? Or are the signals that are transmitted sent by radio waves, digitally sent via some sort of dish-arrangement, rather like a Sky satellite dish? Can someone answer me this question then, what has happened to telegraph or telephone poles and how are telephone messages (and, no doubt, the internet) sent if there are no visible cables?

If there's no telegraph/telephone poles, what else do we not longer have which we once had, particularly when I was considerably younger? How about such things as level crossings? I mean, the old fashioned sort, with proper gates which are manually operated by a man who operates them from a little signal box. They used to have lights on them, so they could be seen at night. I don't mean those half-hearted excuses for 'barriers' that replaced them years ago, that only cover part of the width of the road. Sort of, vaguely, dare I say it,'continental-style'? When we used to go on holiday to Frinton-On-Sea, on the Essex coast when I was a child, you used to enter Frinton from the 'outside world,' through such level-crossing gates. Into an almost enchanteted world. I haven't visited Frinton in decades, so I don't know whether those level-crossing gates have been replaced by the 'modern' style barriers. It wouldn't be the same if they had. I'm not even sure whether there is a railway station at Frinton, necessitating the need for a level crossing.

Telephone boxes. You never see them these days. The traditional red variety. Is it because everyone has a mobile phone and has no need for the use of such a thing as a telephone box. The sort with the 'press button 'B.'' I can't remember when I last saw one.

Policemen on 'The Beat.' I mean a Police Constable actually seen walking the local pavements. Someone you can trust if there's a problem. A sort of deterrent if there's something likely to become a criminal act or is against the law. I used to live in a village where there was a local Bobby and if you were caught riding your bicycle on a footpath you would be stopped by the PC and told to get off and push your bicycle or at least ride it on the road.  There was a sense of community, people knew right from wrong (well, I suppose they did.) and a police officer being on hand gave you s sense of safety. But not anymore. You never see a policeman, except if they're driving past in a car.

One thing that definitely disappeared and that's manners. Why do some people insist on driving close behind me when I'm driving. Just because I'm not going at top speed and why do some people cut you up on roundabouts? I refuse to drive outside my safe zone. Then there's mobile phones. I have mentioned this before, but why on earth do people insist on having them permanently fixed to their hands? There's nothing more bad mannered than being in a situation where you meet someone, say, in a Costas or Starbucks, and the other person is constantly looking at their mobile, or they're texting. Really rude. It makes you wonder what people used to do before mobile phones and what would happen if these things disappeared. These things are as they are because, with, for example, the internet, you can make a rather nasty comment about someone and you aren't ever likely to meet them face to face. The same with driving. A motorist can cut you up on a runabout or tailgate you or whatever, but they're never likely to meet you in a face-to-face situation. It's rather a cowardly way to behave. People seem to think they're separated from the rest of society, sitting in their room on their laptop or mobile phone, Tweeting, posting things on Facebook or whatever, in a sort of bubble. It seems that's the way a lot of people spend their lives, isolated, separated. Rather a sad sort of world we've created.

Postmen. I know they're out there somewhere, but if so, I don't see many. On bicycles? I doubt it. Most come in little red vans. Some I see walking along with wheeled barrow things with the mail in. I presume they can take far more mail if they have these wheeled things. One thing I do know, they seem to deliver at almost any time imaginable, We've even had a delivery at 4.30 in the afternoon. I can't imagine it would be safe carrying a heavy load of mail on a bicycle because you'd have to strap the bag on somewhere on the bicycle. I can't imagine having to go out in the early morning, when it's dark and probably cold and wet and in snow and ice. I feel sorry for those people who do these sorts of jobs, the jobs we take for granted. We all expect our mail delivered on time and to be correct, although that isn't always the case as we often get the odd letter or even parcel which is delivered through our door but isn't actually addressed to us. The postman isn't looking at the address properly. I suppose if they have temporary staff on, particularly during the run-up to Christmas, those staff can't know all the little unknown places that a regular postman would know, or even get the mail posted through the correct door. 

Second Stent

As a result of the myocardial perfusion imaging test, which was done at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford a couple of months ago (described in great detail in an earlier blog post on here.) I have been booked in to have a second stent fitted next Wednesday, 12th December. I have to be at the hospital for 7.30a.m., and I'm being taken by someone from church who has kindly offered to drive me there. I couldn't have driven myself, for one thing, I don't think the stress of the journey there at that hour would help, and, secondly, I wouldn't be able to drive back home because of having a local anaesthetic as well as other drugs and the possibility of the wound that would be made when the stent was fitted. I had a telephone call from the hospital yesterday morning to tell me I'm on the morning list, which means the procedure should be done at some stage during that morning. I have to remain in bed for at least two hours afterwards and can then be discharged. I did wonder whether I would need to stay in hospital overnight, but not this time, fortunately.

As with this sort of thing, it's the waiting which is the worst part. I don't generally like needles, giving blood and all that sort of thing. I have explained things regarding this in an earlier blog post. When I had my second heart attack in early September this year, I was rushed off to the John Radcliffe and there was talk of 'stents' on the ambulance as we drove at speed towards Oxford, but at that time I didn't really think of what was going to happen. Little did I realise, once I arrived, I would be in the operating theatre (I don't think it's actually referred to as that, but never mind) and having a stent inserted in a vein in my right arm. Not a lot of time to think about it, really and truly.

It's been a really wet and windy day today. I took Alfie out for his walk as usual, but I had to put my waterproof jacket with hood on before venturing forth. It had been kept in the back of the car for such an eventuality, so I had to nip out and get it before taking Alfie out. We didn't do the full circuit of Eaglestone Park, because he was getting soaked (not surprisingly), so I decided to cut across the park and make a short-cut back home. He shook himself, as dogs do, to try and get rid of the rain from his coat.

Carol not in a good state when I visited her this morning. (Friday) She's given so much pain relief that she's really out of things a lot of the time. I helped give her breakfast, which was porridge. I would never have believed that I would be feeding my wife in a care home bed. I have mentioned in some of these posts how I worked as a Support Worker for people with learning disabilities, working mostly in homes around Bedfordshire, mainly those run by the N.H.S. as well as being a Home Carer in and around Milton Keynes, but it would never have occurred to me that I would be caring for my wife in such an environment as that. I don't think that she even knew I was there this morning. She was talking some of the time, but not a lot of it was exactly lucid. She was going on about 'The Boys.' I thought she meant her sons, Daniel and Sam, but then I thought, perhaps she means Eddie and George, our grandchildren. She thought they were visiting, but they're not scheduled to visit. She wasn't sure what time it was, and forgot she had breakfast. This whole situation is really difficult. She prefers to lie on her left side, which had been decided when she was at Willen Hospice, but for some reason at Castlemead, the carers had her in bed, lying flat on her back. I said that I didn't want to mention this, but I had to when they came into the room and so they managed to roll her onto her left side, with pillows to prop her up. They told me that they were only doing what Carol wanted, but it seemed to me that at the moment she was really unable to explain properly. Not that I want to interfere but I do want her to have the best or at least what will make her more comfortable. I know that they've managed to get the pain under control, but do at least make sure she's comfortable in bed. She wanted to get out, which she had done at Willen, and managed to sit on the edge of her bed and, with some help, walk a short distance around the bed. But a nurse came in and said that she ought to stay in bed. 

Carol Moves to Castlemead Court

On Sunday, when I visited Carol a good deal later than I usually visit, I learned that Carol was moving to Castlemead Court in Newport Pagnell. One of the nurses came into her room at Willen to say that transport had been booked to take her there and I would need to start packing her belongings as there wouldn't be room on the ambulance for more than one bag of things, so most of her belongings would need to be transported in our car.

On Monday morning I was told that there would be an ambulance to take Carol from Willen Hospice to Castlemead Court and that it was booked for between 11-11.30 a.m., but they didn't actually arrive until about 1.30. Carol missed lunch, but she had a bowl of soup. We'd managed to pack up all her belongings into several carrier bags which were put in the back of the car. Carol was transferred from her bed onto a stretcher by the paramedics and wheeled out to the ambulance. I drove off out of the carpark and I soon caught up with the ambulance as it left Willen Village and managed to follow it all the way to Newport Pagnell and I was surprised how close it was to Castlemead Court, probably no more than two miles.

On arrival at Castlemead the paramedics unloaded Carol on the stretcher and wheeled her into the unit and I followed with as much of the bags as i could carry and took them into the unit and into the room where she was ensconced a few minutes before I arrived.

It's a friendly enough place, Castlemead. Carol has learnt that she is the youngest person there. A lot of altzeimers sufferers, people in wheelchairs, a lot of screaming and someone calling out constantly. Carol prefers to have her door open, but it's sometimes necessary to close it when there's too much noise. She has been asleep or at least very drowsy when I have arrived in the morning and she's usually being given a wash and the bedding changed when I turn up, so I have to wait in the lounge area, which is just opposite her room. Plenty of armchairs to sit in and a large-screen television. They have put up Christmas decorations. You can always go into the kitchen area in the dining room to make a cup of tea or coffee and Carol gets a choice at meal-time. I generally help her eat her breakfast or lunch. There is a menu on the wall along the corridor so you can always check what there is for each meal, all prepared fresh on the premises.

The big issue I have with Castlemead is finding a place to park. I find if I get there early enough, around 10 a.m., I can usually park easily. On Wednesday, when I drove over from Milton Keynes, I have come via Willen, along Brickhill Street, but that day there I found out until far too late that the road was closed so I had to drive towards the city centre and go via Monk's Way, the road that goes towards Chichley and Only, and cut through to Newport Pagnell along the usual road I take into the centre of the town. Just annoying that I wasn't informed of the road closure earlier and had to drive several miles out of my way.

Staff are allowed to bring their dogs to work. So there can be a couple of really delightful dogs running about the unit. One, called Charlie, does tricks. You have to know the hand gestures that will get him to 'sit' or 'roll over,' and then give him a treat out of a box which is kept near the television. Carol loves him, and he was put on her bed to stroke. A really good way to motivate residents, in particular, those with alzheimer's. On my first arrival when I was viewing the place last week, I was greeted at the front door by a little shitzu, which was one half of our dog, Poppy, who was a cross Westie/ Schitzu. It barked at me and kept coming up to me and then when I arrived on one of the upper floors I was greeted by two, what I think were pugs. I think Charlie is a pug, but I'm not exactly sure.

Carol Moving From Willen Hospice

Last Friday we were told by one of the doctors, that, because of the fact that Carol's pain had been got under control she would need to transfer to a new place of care. This came as something of a shock to both of us. They began the process of finding suitable accommodation and first they needed to get funding her her new care package, wherever it was likely to be. There was the option for her to return home, but we discussed this and it would be impossible for her to return home. The house is not suitable, she would need a bed in the lounge, which wouldn't work because of the size of the room as well as the fact that there is a large bookcase which would be in the way of the door which would prevent the use of a wheelchair, as well as steps in and out of the front door and the layout of the rooms would make access virtually impossible. She wouldn't be able to use the upstairs bedroom, because of mobility problems. So a suitable care home which could provide similar nursing care as Willen Hospice would be a better option. It seems Willen is only set up for short term care of around four to five weeks and she has been there for at least five weeks.

On Tuesday, when I got home from Willen, I got a telephone call from something called Continuing Care, telling me that they could fund Carol's transfer to a new care home, called Castlemead Court which is in Newport Pagnell. A lady at church had said that she would be willing to go with me to check out places for Carol, so we decided on visiting on Thursday morning, after which I would decide, in consultation with Carol, whether this place was suitable. Carol wasn't too pleased at the news of having to move away from Willen, understandably. A bit of s shock, basically because she's got used to being there as well as building up relationships with the nursing staff.

On Thursday I went to see Castlemead Court. I really liked the place. On arrival, I was met by a little dog, a bit like our Poppy, barking at me. Then, when we were shown upstairs to the unit on which Carol would be, there were two more dogs. They sniffed at me, obviously picking up Alfie's scent on my clothes. Then the two dogs followed me around as we were shown around the property. The individual rooms are spacious, a good deal larger than those at Willen. The place has a more homely feel, less institutionalised or like a hospital, which, basically, is what Willen is like, although it has a lovely calming atmosphere. So I decided that the place was suitable for Carol's needs, her care wouldn't change from what she is getting at Willen, along with all her medications as well as having a hospital bed.

On being taken back to the reception area, I was given a brochure and more details about Castlemead, with photographs and descriptions of the place, which I would give to Carol to look at when I visited on Friday morning. We discussed the move to Castlemead and she agreed that it would be a pleasant enough place to transfer to. One of the doctors came in and we discussed Castlemead and Carol's moving there and the doctor said that he would contact Continuing Care to start the ball rolling for Carol to transfer there from Willen.

(Wednesday) I took Alfie out for his morning walk (More like a gallop, as he hardly walks when let off his lead.). There was a slight drizzle as we got out into the road, and it seemed to get heavier the closer we got to the grassy area where I let him off his lead. So I had to make the decision to cut short the walk and not do the usual circuit of the park, cutting across the grass and back home along the path back up to our house.

(Thursday) Well, I know I keep repeating myself, but it really doesn't matter. It's because we follow a routine. Alfie didn't want to miss his walk, even though it was barely light when we ventured forth this morning. I did stick my head out the front door to see if it was raining. It wasn't. It rained during the night, because I could hear it rattling on the windows. We did our usual circuit of Eaglestone Park. I was determined that we did. Some 1513 steps, according to my step-counter. On the way round we saw a lady coming out of her house with a dog, I think it was a Basset hound, one of those low-slung dogs with droopy ears and a long tail and black and white. I'm thinking of the character of Fred Basset who has his own comic strip in, I think, the Daily Mail. What caught my eye was the fact that he had a string of blue Christmas lights around his collar! Very original and very clever. I have never seen this before. Must have been battery powered. I don't think the doggy was interested in being friends with Alfie, who almost always wants to say 'hello' to every dog, whatever its size or shape, that he encounters.

This morning (Friday), when I was visiting Carol at Willen, I got a telephone call on my mobile, from Continuing Care. It would appear that they hadn't been contacted about Carol's transfer to Castlemead, but I gave my consent for them to make arrangements for Carol's move, which, if all the paperwork gets sorted by the various departments, this should go ahead early next week.

Foggy, Then Wet, Weather

It's been quite foggy here for the past few days. At Willen you can look out of Carol's window and see across the lake. A really calming view. Lots of birds on it, ducks and swans mostly, but you do occasionally see herons. It was so foggy the other day you couldn't see the other side of the lake. A slight amount of fog as I took Alfie out for his walk around Eaglestone Park this morning, but generally quite mild, certainly no frost to mention.

I forget to mention that I stayed the night with Carol in her room  at Willen on Friday. Our neighbours, Garry and Shelley, looked after Alfie, going in to feed him and take him out for a walk. I was hoping that I could sleep on the reclining chair which is in the room, but it wouldn't recline sufficiently for me to lay flat on it and, frankly, it was never going to be an ideal place to sleep. When it was reclined right back it only pulled the plug out of the power point on the wall behind and then it was impossible to re-plug it. The nurses came in with a Z-Bed, or at least a sort of camping bed. Very ancient and not particularly well sprung and extremely narrow, but since this was to be a temporary arrangement I was willing to give it a go. But when it was set up and the bedding arranged on it and I started to lay on it, one set of very flimsy legs collapsed and I fell on the floor. Not very successful, you might say. So I had no alternative but to improvise. Carol kept on saying I should give up and go home, but I wasn't going to be defeated so I removed the mattress and the bedding from the wreckage of the camping bed, folded the thing up and put the mattress on the floor and made my bed there for the night. It wasn't entirely the most comfortable night's sleep, particularly as I had to keep waking to use the toilet along the corridor. But at least I managed to stay with Carol, as she had requested it. In the morning, at around 7.30, I crept out of the room and went to the lounge further along the corridor and made myself a cup of tea. One of the nurses made me some toast and marmalade and at around 8.30  went back to see Carol, still fast asleep. In fact, according to the nurses I spoke to later, they said she had a really good night's sleep, probably because I was there with her. She woke eventually at around 9 o'clock, really late for her. I left her to be bathed and washed by the staff and when I returned later she was siting up in bed eating a bacon sandwich!

I was hoping to have the rest of the day to myself at home. I needed some time to myself. But Carol insisted I come back later in the day. So, having have a couple of hours at home, basically to see how Alfie was and let him out into the garden as well as to give him a walk across the park, I went back to Willen in time for lunch and then came home at around 2 o'clock.

(Tuesday). I had to get a doctor's appointment this morning. I have had an annoying cough for several weeks. It began when I was prescribed Ramipril after my heart attack in September. I only discovered that it might be a side-effect of this medication when I spoke to one of the cardiology nurses at Milton Keynes hospital. I managed to change this medication back to what I had previously been prescribed, candesartan. On changing this medication the cough seemed to subside, but didn't entirely disappear. I get really nasty phlegm in my throat which causes an intermittent cough which can strike at odd times, usually at night or when I least expect it. This happened during church on Sunday and I had to leave the hall to get a drink of water. Which is why I decided to get an appointment. I had mentioned this the other week when I went to see my doctor and he said I'd need to give a sample. Which I did and would get the results at the surgery when I made the appointment.

I had to ring the surgery early. I was surprised that I got through relatively quickly. Only two other people ahead of me in the telephone queue. I was soon speaking to a receptionist and I explained why I needed an appointment and then I had to wait around an hour before a doctor rang to give me an appointment a 9.50.

It turns out that the sample I gave and was analysed didn't show any bacteria or anything nasty, so there's really no explanation for the phlegm or why I'm coughing. The doctor said it might be a viral thing, but they're not sure, so antibiotics won't help. I know they try not to over-prescribe them, so I'm not surprised. He just told me to drink plenty, which I know I don't and should. He wrote me a couple of prescriptions because I have two lots of medication which will soon run out, so I left the surgery and went into Cox and Robinson to get the prescriptions made up which took around 10 minutes and then drove over to Willen to visit Carol.

Willen, Strange Phone Calls and Stents

Not easy writing this blog post. You will have noticed, if you're an avid follower of my posts on here, that I haven't posted anything for more than a week. We now know that Carol's cancer has spread, to her lungs and bones. I'm sorry, but there's no cure, no chemotherapy will destroy the tumour. It's really difficult to put these words on here. All I can do as a good husband is to be by her side, to help her with the pain whenever possible.  She is getting good care at Willan Hospice. We don't know how much time we've got left. It's appalling for me and the family. I have support from my church, Shenley Christian Fellowship. As you will no doubt be aware I have been attending this church since last year and I can't thank everyone there for visiting Carol, either at home, in Milton Keynes Hospital and now at Willen. 

Carol's mum and dad as well as her sister Jackie visited last week (I think it was last week. Time has gone into a sort of over-drive since all this began.) They came up from Bournemouth on the Monday and then stayed with family in Leicester, coming down alternate days and then returned home on the Friday of that week.

On the Tuesday I took Alfie, our Yorkshire Terrier, in to Willan Hospice to see Carol. I had to take him in the cage in the back of the car. No sooner had he got out of the car, than be began to bark noisily. In fact he barked almost all the time he was at Willen. I took him into Carol's room and he licked Carol's hands and face. I think she was really pleased to see him, but was somewhat concerned with him barking. Understandable, really, because we didn't want to upset any of the other patients. The staff loved him and made a great fuss of him, which Alfie, as expected, loved every minute of being stroked and being the centre of attention.

I had a telephone call yesterday. I rushed to pick up the thing, which is in the hallway. I'm talking here about our landline telephone. It's one of those cordless models. which means the unit sits in a docking cradle to keep the thing charged, so you can pick it up to answer and speak and talk anywhere within the house. On putting the thing to my ear there was no immediate response, no voice at the other end. I said 'hello!,' several times, then a further few seconds of silence. A sort of hollow sound, then a really awful, obviously mechanical or at least, recorded female voice said 'Good bye!!' and that was the end to the call. So, can someone tell me, what was it all about? Who on earth would bother to make a telephone call and then . . . .  just silence, followed by the awful female voice saying 'Good bye!' Someone's idea of a joke. If so, a rather pathetic one. What a waste of time and effort.

I've since been on Google to look for 'silent telephone calls,' and according to Ofcom these calls are not illegal, but if you can find out who sends them you can complain to them to get the company involved fined if they make too many of them.

I took Alfie out for his routine morning walk at about 7.15 this morning. Alfie doesn't understand that we can't go out when it's dark. It gets lighter later and later. I'm a bit annoyed that I make a real effort to pick up Alfie's poo and put it in a bin. I always carry at least one black doggy bag in my pocket for this eventuality, but it's unfair that some people don't pick up after their dogs as I see quite a lot of excrement on my walk around Eaglestone Park with Alfie. On the way back along the patch back to the house I am shocked to see a postman delivering mail. I don't think I've seen a postman much before midday around here ever. Certainly not in the time I've lived in Milton Keynes. There was a time once, long ago, when you could virtually set your watch by the postman delivering. In Bedford you used to get a delivery at 7 a.m, more or less on the dot, and then a second one around 11 a.m. Certainly not now. They seem to deliver when they feel like it. The other day we got our post delivered at around 4.30 p.m. which was a real shock.

When I got back home there was a pile of mail on the doormat. One was a package from Amazon, with a book in it which I ordered about a week ago. I am supposed to get stuff from Amazon delivered within 24 hours as I have Amazon Prime. Not really sure what they've been doing with that package. Usually Amazon uses their own delivery drivers for their parcels, but this was the Royal Mail. Never mind. At least I got my order . . .  eventually. But it seems the Royal Mail is slipping.

In that pile of mail I had a letter from the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford telling me that I would need a second stent fitted. No doubt they know what they're doing because it came from Professor Keith Channon, Honorary Consultant Cardiologist and Professor of Cardiovascular Medicine. I would imagine he has seen the scans done when I had the perfusion test done at Oxford all those weeks ago. I did wonder when I was going to hear. I'm not sure whether I will have to stay in hospital after having the procedure done and how I'm going to get there as well as back as I  don't think I could drive in either direction. Far too stressful.

Car Serviced

This blog post refers to events of over a week ago. Basically because of things the way they are, which will become apparent in my next post, I just haven't had the will to write anything, but now I think I'm able to continue with this blog.

As explained in the last blog post, I had to get the Renault Captur looked at because it wasn't running as well as it should. On Saturday morning I drove to Bleak Hall Motors to have it serviced. I arrived on their forecourt at 7.50. Not much traffic so it was fairly staightforward. It was getting closer to 8 o'clock. Other customers were turning up. Well, they couldn't be staff because they came to stand at the entrance of the garage. A few staff came in cars and parked to the rear of the building. 8 o'clock passed and still the front of the building which has the reception desk in it, remained shut. Once the mechanics had arrived, they took down details of each customer so that they could start on working on each person's car which had been booked in, mine included.

They eventually opened up the reception area so those waiting could sit in comfort, me included. There was no point in me going home as I'd only have to walk or get a taxi and I had bought plenty to read, including my Kindle which I soon got connected via free wi-fi at Bleak Hall and at one point watched the final episode of 'Blackadder Goes Forth' which I've seen on several occasions, but even after seeing it before it still brings a tear to the eye. Good comedy which goes from being screamingly funny one moment to deeply tragic the next. You know what's coming, but it's extremely profound and says more about the futility of war than a great many other plays, books and discussions about the First World War.

I got told, after an hour or so, that one of the front tyres on the Captur was worn, probably due to all the roundabouts in Milton Keynes. It would beed replacing, so I decided to go ahead and have it replaced whilst I was at the garage. No point having it there if it wasn't done so I let them do the job.

Anyway, after three hours the car's service was complete. I paid, and drove off and it was great to have it back, in better working order than it was before it went into Bleak Hall Motors.

Driving and other Motoring Matters

I needed to buy fuel for the car as the tank has run quite low, with all the driving to Willen and other places over the past few weeks. The Renault Captur is an extremely economical car and a full tank usually lasts over a month or more. So I decided to drive to the Shell station on Grafton Street, at around 9.15 this morning, making sure that most of the morning traffic had subsided. It's surprising how busy it gets around Milton Keynes just before 9 o'clock. Almost gridlock along many of the roads around Eaglestone and into the centre.

I drove out of the estate and came out near the Eaglestone shops. It's easier than trying to get out onto Saxon Street which is actually the nearest exit, but to turn right can be an impossibility when the traffic is heaviest. Usually if you turn left and then get to the roundabout on Standing Way, you can double back on yourself and came back onto Saxon Street, but it can be very busy on Standing Way, but in Milton Keynes you can always do this manoeuvre if you get lost, just get to th next roundabout and go back the way you came. So, I came out onto Chaffron Way and drove towards Grafton Street with the intention of getting to the Shell petrol station. But when i got there I discovered it was closed off 'for renovations,' or 'modernisation.' I had no alternative, I needed fuel, so I decided to drive on to the Shell station directly opposite so drove on to the roundabout on Standing Way and so drove around to the other Shell station. On arriving there, I had to drive to the furthest pump, but then discovered that the diesel pump had a notice on it, saying, out of use. Somewhat frustrating, I had no alternative but to try a pump further back on the forecourt, but it's a 'one-way' system in these petrol stations. You can't reverse to get to the pumps further back, so I chose to drive out back onto Grafton Street and drive to the next roundabout on Chaffron Way and then double back onto Grafton Street and drive back round the roundabout on Standing Way and end up at the first pumps at the Shell station, only to find that all pumps that served diesel were 'out of use.' Where else was I to obtain diesel? I chose to drive towards the city centre and use the BP station next to the Xcape on Childs Way. So, quite a long detour around Milton Keynes, along Saxon street and then right onto Childs Way. When I got there I could hear the most appalling sound, someone using one of those leaf-blowing machines. A rather pointless exercise, in my opinion. Just blowing leaves and other rubbish, out of the way, and not picking anything up.

I managed to fill up sufficiently with diesel and then returned home. I had to collect some things before heading off to Willen to see Carol.

The car has been playing up for quite some time. A light has been coming on and a digital message on the dashboard, telling me the car is in need of a service. I'm not getting full power from the car. It's not responding as it should. The journey over to Willen, although not particularly long, is quite difficult. I realise the car is in need of some sort of maintenance, perhaps a service, with a change of oil, filters and a retune. So when I leave Willen at about 1.40 I decide to check the bank balance at the Eaglestone shops where there's a convenient A.T.M. machine and then drive to Bleak Hall Motors, who did the MoT. On arrival I explain what the problem is with the car and one of the mechanics says  that, because it's a diesel car, it might be something to do with driving on short journeys. Not sure how they could fix this. He takes it out for a test run to find out what I'm on abut, and when he comes back he says, because the light is on permanently on the dashboard, it just needs a service, so I manage to book it in for this Saturday at 8 a.m. I'm surprised that they remember my name, which is what you don't often get nowadays with any business, which makes me feel a bit more comfortable with taking the car to this particular garage. So I feel happier that they can resolve the problems with the running of the car and it will hopefully be fixed on Saturday, probably taking two hours or so after which I can go over to see Carol in Willan Hospice.

It's quite foggy today when I drive to Garroways later this morning. An almost typical November morning. The weather forecast on BBC Breakfast says that we can expect it to get colder as the week progresses. Oh well, what do you expect as the winter draws on? 

Grandchildren Visit to Willen Hospice

(Saturday) I've received a letter from the Cardiac Rehabilitation department at Milton Keynes Hospital yesterday, to inform me that I hadn't attended an appointment with them on Tuesday 30th October at 2 o'clock. The fact is, I hadn't received a letter informing me of this appointment. I always open all my mail, so I do't know what happened, no doubt the letter went astray. I will have to ring on Monday and make a fresh appointment.

I have to laugh. Another letter from Milton Keynes Hospital came in the post this morning. I mentioned in an earlier blog post that I had a Cardiology Outpatient appointment booked for Monday 24th December at 3.35. Well, it's been rescheduled to Thursday 3rd January at 3.05 p.m. I think someone realised that it was fairly late in the day and that the unit was probably going to close for the Christmas holiday. Possibly I was going to be the only patient and it would be better to reschedule my appointment until the New Year. I reckon these appointments are made by a computer system and it wouldn't recognise holidays, Bank Holidays or whatever. They just churn out letters regardless. Never mind. I'm glad it's been changed.

Chloe, Steve and the two grandchildren, George and Eddie, came to visit me and Carol at Willen this afternoon. They came directly from their home in Worcester and arrived at around 3 o'clock. I spent some time reading a book that George likes, one of the 'Mog' stories and we went outside with them. George has a push-along scooter and Eddie has a walker. He's not quite walking properly, but definitely getting there. There is an ideal terraced area outside Carol's room and reps down to the lawn area, very idea for those who are in wheelchairs and George made good use of the ramps on his push-along scooter. We then went out through a gate and walked a short way along the lakeside path. George had to go and inspect some logs, the result of recent work by tree surgeons who have been either felling some trees or at least sawing off what must have been dangerous branches of some of the trees. We could hear this work going on the other day and could see this when we watched from Carol's room window. They also had one of those chipper machines into which some of the branches were put and then rapidly chipped for use on the ground somewhere on either the Willen estate or further way, as a sort of mulch to keep weeds down.

(Sunday) It's relatively mild out this morning. No ice on the car. We walked the complete circuit of the park. Not a sign of life except someone came out of their front door but not a word spoken. We met the man walking his whippet but I put Alfie on his lead as he has a tendency to run to every dog in an attempt to make friends but this other dog seems nervous and having to deal with a wild, barking Alfie, who means absolutely no harm, would be too much. I can hardly blame the dog for being somewhat dazed by the approach of a madly excited Yorkshire Terrier. We did the remainder of the walk with Alfie on his lead. 1609 steps according to the step counter.

Mixed Weather

It's really considerably colder this morning, as it has for the past few mornings. I think poor Alfie must feel the chill more than ever, since he was groomed last Tuesday and now has a close trim. He doesn't like being cold, or too hot, for that matter. I will have to go out and find him a proper little jacket for when he goes out in the cold. I've seen some dogs wearing jackets and have to go and buy him one. I have a Regatta jacket which I bought last year as well a Regatta fleece to wear underneath and this morning I had to find my gloves out of the car to put on before venturing out on our regular morning walk through Eaglestone Park. The sun, however weak, was attempting to shine.

Yesterday I had to make an appointment at Ashfield Medical Centre. I began ringing at 8 o'clock and eventually managed to get through at around 8.15. Then I had to wait for a doctor to ringback at around 9.15, to be then given an appointment with one of the practise nurses at 10.45. I have been finding it difficult to sleep at night and sometimes wake at around 2 a.m and don't get back to sleep for a long time, so I have been prescribed Zopliclone. Having read the leaflet which came with the tablets ( a week's worth.) I was put off after reading it, having found out what some of the side-effects are, but then decided to take one at around 9 o'clock and then didn't wake up until gone 6 a.m. Just going to have to see how I feel before continuing with the rest of the tablets. As I write, I don't feel too bad but still have to be careful that I'm not drowsy or sleepy if I'm going to drive the car.

I had to go to the Shell station to fuel the car. I have to be careful to concentrate as it's a petrol model. It would be far too easy to put petrol in the tank, but thankfully there's a reminder when I open the petrol cap flap on the side of the Renault Captur. Then I drove straight over to Willan. I was followed by a woman driver one of those 4X4 vehicles, high off the road, lots of bull-bars etc etc and she was insistent on driving right up behind her. Fortunately there are local speed areas along Chaffron Way driving near Waitrose. Then a tractor came out of a side-road and I had no choice but to slow down, but this woman wasn't too pleased. No, I refuse to drive faster than I'm comfortable with. Why do so many drivers insist on driving like this? It is a relatively small percentage of motorists who behave in this disrespectful manner.

When I got to Willan, Carol was in her room, with one of the doctors. It seems that they have got some of the pain under control. Carol not particularly chatty, due to taking medication to keep her calm. She has a new medication delivered by two pumps, which take 24 hours to complete their administration. They use a sort of skin patch to deliver this medication. Then Roz, a lady from Shenley Christian Centre, and who has been visiting Carol at home and when she was in Milton Keynes Hospital. She cycles from work to visit. But Carol was asleep for most of the time she was there, unfortunately, although shel did wake up several times during her visit.

I was surprised that not one single child knocked on our front door trick or treating because it was halloween. Not that it bothered me. We could hear fireworks being set off somewhere nearby and it seems that some people don't realise that Guy Fawkes Night (November 5th) and halloween are two different things.

Thursday. It was relatively mild first thing this morning, but Alfie and I cut short our walk across Eaglestone Park because it was trying it's best to rain. As the day progressed it got heavier and you could barely see the lake from Carol's room window at Willen when I arrived.

Friday. A bit of a sharp frost when Alfie and I went out this morning. A considerable amount of ice on the car windscreen, but never mind. We can cope with it. Regardless of the cold, quite beautiful bright, golden sunshine lighting up some of the park. Even when it's bitterly cold, the sun can shine and lift the mood of even the coldest Autumnal day. I'm having to put on my gloves now because otherwise I wouldn't be able to do up Alfie's lead.

I had to go into the bank to pay in a cheque this morning. I parked near The Point and walked through the shopping centre. I bought a sandwich in Boots because the bank wouldn't be open until 9.30 and then walked along the shopping centre. So many shops are relocating within the shopping centre. W.H. Smith is now in a much smaller unit, as well as Patisserie Valerie. Where I came into the shopping centre I noticed that Hawkins Bazaar has taken over the unit formally occupied by FatFace. I'm not sure where that company has relocated to, even if it's still within the shopping centre.

Having been to NatWest and paid in using one of their machines (not as simple to use as the system used by Nationwide.) I walked over back towards the shopping centre. I went into Marks and Spencer as I wanted to buy new slippers. My current pair are wearing out rapidly. I was surprised by the range they have in stock. I can't believe there can be so many varieties. But the one's I liked are over-priced. They seem to have increased the price considerably since my last purchase. I think I can get virtually the same for far less elsewhere. I'll have to have a look around.

When I arrived in Willen there was a sign up saying you wouldn't be able to park at the hospice, because there was an open day on. I had to park away from the hospice and walked down the road and in at the normal entrance. You can usually park directly outside the reception area. The place was really busy with visitors.

Carol was fast asleep when I eventually got to her room. I got about two minutes-worth of conversation before she fell back asleep. According to one of the nurses I spoke to she didn't have a good night and they're giving her some form of sedation to relax her which would probably account for her sleepiness. She work to have her lunch, really nice fish and chips and followed by fruit crumble and custard.

I left Willan just after 2 o'clock.

Carol Transferred To Willan Hospice

I'm sorry, but I have to face up to it. I don't really want to discuss Carol's condition, but it has got worse than we thought. She was moved from Ward 19 at Milton Keynes Hospital to Willan Hospice on Wednesday afternoon. It all happened very rapidly and I have to say I'm incredibly grateful to the doctor who went to a meeting at Willan and managed to get the bed for Carol. I had walked to the hospital so I had to return with quite a lot of her belongings which we managed to pack up in several carrier bags. An ambulance team arrived on Ward 19 and at first Carol was to be transported out of the ward on a wheelchair, but she found it too painful to sit, so the ambulance team went off and eventually came back with a trolley for her to lay on. I had to walk back home with some of the bags of belongings and then drove straight over to Willan. Carol had arrived well before me and was already in bed in her room.

We now know that the cancer has spread. On Tuesday Carol learnt that it has spread to her lungs. She was to have further chemotherapy, but it looks unlikely that this will now happen. She was going to Willan so they could deal with the issue of pain and they had the expertise to deal with this.

Carol's mum and dad have been visiting from Bournemouth. They came up to Oxford via train and then caught the coach to Milton Keynes and I collected them from the station  on Thursday morning and we drove to Willan Hospice.

On Friday I had to ring Daniel and asked him if he could visit his mum and hopefully contact his brother, Sam, because I didn't have a telephone number to call. Also, I rang Chloe and she eventually texted me to say she would come up with her husband, Steve, on Monday morning.

Carol's mum and dad had booked a room at the Peartree Bridge Lodge, a hotel and restaurant which is very near home as well as the hospital. It would have been incredibly convenient to stay there and be so close to Carol in hospital, but by Wednesday afternoon Carol was on her way to Willen so it would mean, when they eventually arrived on Thursday, I would have to drive them over to the hospice when they arrived. It would have been easy to just walk over from Peartree Lodge, no more than a five-minute walk to the hospital. As it is, it's only a mere ten-minute drive from our home to pick them up from the hotel.

On Saturday evening I had a lovely meal with Carol's mum and dad at the carvery within the Peartree Lodge. Especially nice because it meant I didn't have to cook a meal at home when I got back from seeing Carol at Willen.

That's all I want to add at the moment. I will keep things updated when I feel I want to write more.

Alfie's New Doggy Friend

(Wednesday) So, we have a beautifully groomed and clipped Alfie! Even his claws are trimmed! You can see his face properly! His eyes are clear and he doesn't now have that annoying fringe over his face. Infact, he looks sleek and efficient. As he should. He shouldn't need another trim until at least the Spring, probably April. 

Alfie is more than eager to get outside for his routine walk across Eaglestone Park. I have to get ready with my jacket and shoes on where he can't see me, otherwise I get a barrage of loud and persistent barking. I have my mobile in one pocket, a doggy bag in another along with my trusty G.T.N. spray. I usually have a few sprays under my tongue just in case and we set off, with Alfie yapping contentedly. We get part-way round the park when we hear a deep bark. Another dog. Alfie has been set free from his lead and round off to investigate and we come across two ladies walking a rather over-weight beagle, black-and-tan, but not too eager to befriend a small Yorkshire Terrier. Alfie runs rings round this dog, who is somewhat befuddled by the advances of poor Alfie, who just wants to be friends. Perhaps it's just too much for this poor dog. And no wonder. This dog makes me think of the beagle which used to appear in a cartoon strip in, I think, the Daily Mail, called Fred Bassett. It was created by Alex Graham. I am in the middle a writing project set in and around a park (not Eaglestone Park, by the way.) and Alfie is featuring heavily. I have it part-written, but a lot of it is in note-form. I will return to it when I get the opportunity, but the fact that we do our routine daily walk through the park is giving me plenty of inspiration. It is far easier to write about real situations, or at least, use them and fictionalise them, than to write imaginary situations. It makes what you write seem far more convincing. These blog posts are also useful for inspiration.

New Cardiology Appointment and other Matters

(Saturday)I have had a letter today from the Cardiology Department at Milton Keynes Hospital giving me an appointment there on 24th December at 3.35p.m. I'm somewhat surprised that I would have such an appointment on Christmas Eve, or at least, that late in the day. It says that more procedures and tests may be done and may take up to three hours. Which would take things up to about 6 or 7 o'clock by which time you would assume they would be closing for the Christmas period. It does make sense to have my care looked after from Milton Keynes and not the John Radcliffe in Oxford. They did the Perfusion Test there simply because that procedure can't be done at Milton Keynes because they don't have the gamma camera that John Radcliffe has. The scans from the tests done two weeks ago can easily be sent over to Milton Keynes, making life easier for me if I don't have to have the inconvenience of the journey to and from Oxford when the Cardiology Department at Milton Keynes is a mere ten-minute walk from our house.

(I'm writing less on this blog as you may have noticed. I'm writing something each day and then posting it when I have enough material to make it worthwhile publishing it, so don't expect a long piece every day. So there may be a week's worth of stuff in one post.)

2.00p.m. I've been walking to the hospital for the past few days. Apart from anything else, it's good exercise and it's a mere 10-minutes to the hospital. It also saves me around £4.50 in parking tickets so that's £9 over two days, depending, of course, how long I remain on the ward.  But then I saw that the barrier at the exit to the carpark near Cardiology was stuck in the upright position, so you could get out without the need of a parking ticket and no need to pay. Never mind. It's a bright and sunny day and actually really pleasant walking along with the sun shining through the trees onto the path.

Carol feeling somewhat down today. Still in a lot of pain. Although her temperature has come down slightly. I hope this is a good sign and that it comes down to it's correct level and it's a sign that the infection is under control. We will hopefully know more when the doctors come round the ward tomorrow at some time.

We had Holy Communion with one of the chaplains on the ward this morning, which was really nice. We've met all of the hospital chaplains now. Because I didn't go to church this morning, because of a worry that I might catch the bug that is currently going round, it was great to have some sort of worship time, even though not the same as we have at Shenley Christian Fellowship.

Monday. 8.00 a.m. I took out Alfie as usual round Eaglestone Park. Alfie as excited as ever. He met up with the three dogs being walked by the lady we keep on meeting. Alfie wants to be friends but they don't seem in the least bit interested. Alfie barks at them, but no ball-game with these dogs. A shame.

The Human Resources lady from Milton Keynes Academy telephoned early this morning and wanted to know how she was. She wanted to visit and needed to know what the ward visiting hours were. I wasn't entirely sure, but assumed it was from 2 to 8 p.m. When I eventually arrived on the ward at around 10 o'clock I found Carol fast asleep and was going to tell her that the lady was going to visit at some point. Carol continued to sleep until around 11, and then a bit after two of the HR ladies arrived, with a card signed by everyone in Carol's department along with some fruit, some plums and strawberries. They stayed for about 20 minutes. I think Carol was pleased to see them and hear about how things are going at the Academy.

Yes, I forget. It's my birthday, but I don't make an issue of it. Just a pity Carol isn't at home to share cake or something. I just want her home from hospital so we can at least get out of the house and visit somewhere pleasant, Woburn Abbey, Whipsnade or Waddesdon for example. Or even one of the lovely garden centres we visit on occasion, to have coffee and a pastry for example.

Tuesday. I'm taking Alfie to the groomer's for a 1 o'clock appointment today, so I will have to leave the hospital at around midday to get  to Pets At Homet, at the retail park in Bletchley.

We had a meeting with one of the doctors which is managing Carol's pain, along with one of the Macmillan nurses in the palliative care team. They are finding ways to change Carol's care to find some sort of distraction so that she doesn't have to concentrate so much on the pain. It makes sense to me.

I took Alfie to The Groom Room at Pets At Home at Bletchley, as mentioned above. I left in good time to arrive outside at 12.50 so that I could take him in to be groomed in plenty of time.

The newly-clipped Alfie, straight back from the

grooming parlour this afternoon

Whilst Alfie was in being groomed, I went into the nearby branch of Gregg's and got a roll and a drink and went to sit in the car to eat it. I spent the next hour and three-quarters wandering into some of the shops, including the nearby Matalan store, although I wasn't over-impressed by what I saw.

I eventually went back to collect Alfie from the Groom Room at 2.45. He was so pleased to see me, looking so much better for being clipped. You can now see his face without all that hair in the way and the nasty mess that builds up under his eyes has gone. I took him out of the store, barking madly and we drove home.

Alfie, the Pussycat and Mixed Weather

(Wednesday) I took Alfie out for his walk across Eaglestone Park. We did the full circuit because it wasn't raining. Infact, it wasn't particularly damp, fortunately. We got almost to the completion of the circuit when Alfie spied a cat, minding it's own business, almost asleep, it looked to me. He hared off and went to investigate, but I was concerned that he would chase after if if the confounded creature ran away, but I managed to capture him and put him back on his lead. I didn't fancy having to chase him along the Redway and over the road, otherwise he might have got run over by a passing car, but it didn't come to that. I think he was merely investigating the strange creature, as he would another dog. I don't think he connects a cat out in the park with the creatures who drift in and out of our garden and stroll nonchalantly along the fence, meaning he has to bark to warn them off. In that respect it's a matter of territory. He doesn't want them on his territory, so be barks to chase them away.

(Friday) Quite cold and foggy when I took out Alfie this morning. We didn't do a complete circuit of the park.

Carol is having a blood transfusion today. She texted me to say it began at 7 a.m and is likely to take three or four hours. She has her antibiotics through a drip and they had problems with the cannula in her arm into which the tube is fed. She has to keep her arm straight otherwise the drip will stop because he tube is kinked or crushed. Quite difficult for her to sleep with this drip going and she's being woken at regular intervals for the nurses to give her the various medications she is on, particularly pain relief medication.

Later. 2.00p.m. I got back from seeing Carol on Ward 19 a good deal earlier than usual. She spent a good deal of the morning asleep. On arrival at around 10.00 she was on the blood transfusion and fast asleep. A real wonder, considering all the noise there is on the ward. There's a door which leads into the next ward which bangs shut with a load sound. Nobody is able to go through without it making a noise. Then there's a woman domestic who cleans the ward and when she cleans the toilets, which are nearby, she can't resist banging the toilet seats. How on earth you can do that job and make so much noise I cannot think. Then there are a couple of patients, screams and hollerers who make a noise, then there's people moving around all the time. Not a quiet place, by any stretch of the imagination.

When I got home, because it was sunny and bright, a definite contrast with the cold and fog we had earlier, I decided to take Alfie out for a walk. Poor little dog, shut in all day, it's the least I can do for him. He certainly deserves a treat. So off we went, Alfie barking happily and keen as ever to be let off the lead in the usual place.

Reading and Viewing

I've completed reading the last of the Dominic Sandbrook books, 'Seasons In The Sun', which took the history up until 1979 with the election of Margaret Thatcher. A hefty read, but well worth it. I have now read all his books, from, 'Never Had It so Good', taking in The Suez Crisis of 1956; 'White Heat', which covers the 1964 election which bought Harold Wilson to power; next 'State of Emergency', covering the years 1970-1974 and that followed by 'Seasons In The Sun', 1974-1979.

I really want to find a book which covers the Second World War, but, as yet, I haven't found anything, and then perhaps a book which covers the period directly after the war and into the 1950's which would cover the Clement Attlee government and the foundation of the welfare state and birth of the N.H.S. I think I may have found something on Amazon. I have found books which I wouldn't otherwise have found if it hadn't been for Amazon. At any rate, even going into a traditional bookshop such as Waterstone's (as good as they are) I very much doubt I'd have come across them. It's obvious that a traditional bricks-and-mortar bookshop has limited space to stock every book that might be of interest, so an on-line bookshop like Amazon does have the advantage.

I'm currently reading 'Ripley's Game,' the second of the Patricia Highsmith's brilliant crime series. It's every bit as brilliant as the earlier novel, 'The Talented Mr Ripley.' The detail is amazing and some of the sequences, particularly that one on the train, is like reading a screenplay for a film. She must have done a great deal of research to get it accurate. You can almost feel your are there as you read it. Certainly a book you can't put down. Mind you, it wouldn't work in the early part of the 21st century, what with mobile phones with cameras and Closed Circuit Television everywhere. Or social media like Facebook and Twitter.

What am I watching on television. Good question. Several drama series. The first of the second run of 'The Frankenstein Chronicles', which is on ITV2. Not really what I'd call a mainstream drama series, and probably all the better for that. More aimed at the 18-30 age bracket and not something that is ever likely to end up shown on a Sunday evening at 9 p.m. Gruesome in the extreme. It has Sean Bean in the central role of John Marlott and set in the 1830s, at the time the first of Sir Robert Peel's policemen are on patrol. Not something for the faint-hearted, but it does have a sort of appeal, if you like that sort of thing. At least it has a sort of honesty about it, and considering it must be made on quite a tight budget, it's remarkably well made and acted. There are so many twist and turns of the plot that take you by surprise that it's that element which makes it such a good read. Thriller-writing at it's best.

Then there's a brand new Sky series called 'The Discovery of Witches.' It's based on a trilogy of books by the author Deborah Harkness. It's partially set in Oxford, and considering how Oxford has played such an important part in my life since my heart attack. I can think of no better place for a drama to be set. How many books can you name which are set in Oxford? Well, the first that springs to mind would be the 'Morse' series, which was made into a highly successful ITV series starring John Thaw and Kevin Wateley and then the spin-off series 'Endeavour' and then 'Lewis.' But think of Lewis Carroll and his 'Alice' books, first 'Alice in Wonderland' and 'Through The Looking-Glass,' then C.S. Lewis who wrote the 'Narnia' children's books and of course J.R.R. Tolkein, who was a friend of Lewis, author of 'The Hobbit' and 'The Lord of The Rings.' Both were connected with the university in some way or other (not sure of their exact job-titles.) but they lived and worked in Oxford. The there's the Philip Pullman series 'His Dark Materials' which are set in an alternative Oxford and have been adapted for the stage by the National Theatre and the first of the books made into a not altogether successful film. Coincidentally, the production company which makes 'The Discovery of Witches' is scheduled to adapt the Pullman novels for television, but as yet there's no news of when it's likely to be produced and then broadcast.

As to 'Discovery of Witches.' It started off promisingly, but it stayed sort of static for several more episodes. I was on the point of giving up but stuck with it until episode 5 and I'm glad I did as it has moved in a different direction and I shall stick with it until the end of the series.

I'm also watching 'The Man In The High Castle,' which is on Amazon Prime.  I've been following this since it began in 2015 and it's been worth waiting for the third season of this Philip K. Dick adaptation which has now really got into it's stride and as absorbing as ever. Somewhat chilling (when you realise the concept of the plot, being a 'what if' thriller, of a dystopian nature, imagining what would happen if the Nazis had won World War 2.) Good acting, script-writing and production values. It must have a large budget and the use of C.G.I. is well done and not too obvious.

Then 'Doctor Who,' which began it's latest season two Sundays ago. Lots of changes, with, of course, the biggest being Jodie Whittaker taking over from Peter Capaldi as the first female Doctor. Also, a new show runner in Chris Chibnall. He was writer of the hit ITV series 'Broadchurch' where he would have worked with Jodie Whittaker and another former Doctor in David Tennant. A new broom, introducing new titles for the show as well as brand new theme tune and incidental music as well as several new companions, one of whom is Bradley Walsh. When I first heard that he had been cast in the latest series, I thought it was a hoax, but soon I discovered that it was correct. Certainly  long way from his compere role in the ITV gameshow 'The Chase,' although I'm half expecting Anne Hegarty or any of the other Chasers to pop up in 'Doctor Who' as villains! They've redesigned the interior of The Tardis, giving it a far more organic look. I don't have a problem with Jodie Whittaker. I know there was a lot of fuss when it was announced that a woman would take over as The Doctor, but she's making a perfectly good job of it. There is always some sort of fuss whenever a new actor takes over in the role, so it's perfectly normal when this happens. It will take several episodes before things settle back down. It's important that she gets good scripts and that the villains (monsters) are good (not necessarily 'good' but you know what I mean.) Unfortunately the monsters in the first two episodes have been rather feeble. Just a pity that we won't be meeting any of the 'classic' monsters in this series, such as the Daleks or Cybermen. Perhaps they have tended to rely to heavily on them over the past couple of series and haven't spent enough time and energy creating new, convincing ones to replace them.

Wetter Than ever

(Monday) Alfie, as usual, has been eager to get outside for his customary walk. I had to wait until it was at least moderately light before venturing forth, but he wouldn't have it. I put on my shoes and jacket downstairs whilst he was still in the bedroom, because if he sees me preparing to go out he will start his usual racket of barking. Then he came rushing downstairs after I'd used my G.T.N. spray (I nearly always use this prior to starting a walk or anything vaguely strenuous.) As soon as I went into the kitchen and picked up his lead he went wild and once he was on his lead, which takes some effort to attach to his harness, he goes through this mad-dog act, even getting hold of his lead with his teeth, growling madly and shaking it. Why? But I only have to say the emotive word 'kitchen!' and he stops, if only briefly. It wasn't until I got outside that I realised that it was raining, quite heavily, but had been under the impression that it was dry. I kept on walking, down to the usual place where I let him of his lead, but then decided that I'd only do an abridged version of our usual walk, not the complete circuit of Eaglestone Park, and cut across the central grassed bit and walked back home through the estate. Just not worth us both getting soaked in the process, but even then, having got a soaking, Alfie's coat had become crinkly. It always looks as if he's had a perm with curls all over his back. It takes some while for him to dry out and he runs around the house rubbing himself up against the sofa to dry off.

Alfie is in definite need of being groomed. His coat is currently looking decidedly scruffy, but, with both of our health issues, Carol being in hospital and me having had my recent heart attack, it's been quite difficult to coordinate a booking for him. I will go to Pets At Home at Bletchley to see if I can get him a booking this afternoon. They can be extremely busy, so getting a booking can be tricky, but they do a very good job, not only giving him a lovely wash and trim, but cutting his nails which can get long and sharp and they give his paw-pads a lovely treatment to stop them cracking up and he comes out smelling fresh. I think he loves it, particularly the fact that he gets pampered and made a fuss of. Considering he has to stay at home on his own, it would be good to give him a treat.

(Tuesday) Alfie insisted on going for a walk, as usual. It was well past 7.30 so it was light enough, but it was damp and gloomy out. A certain amount of damp and a chill in the air, but that didn't stop Alfie charging off as soon as he was released from his lead. Never mind, he deserved his walk. I didn't do a complete circuit of Eaglestone Park, but cut across the central grassed area. At least we both got our morning exercise.

It's surprising how many people you see when we're out. Some stop and chat, usually those of my generation, but those younger are always in so much of a hurry or have their faces glued to their mobile phones or else have those crazy ridiculous headphone clamped over their ears that they wouldn't possibly want to communicate. Sad, really. People with dogs often want to talk, particularly if Alfie runs up to attempt to make friends with their dogs.

Later. I have managed to get an appointment to get Alfie groomed. I drove to Bletchley and went to the retail park where Pets At Home has a branch and within it there's the Groom Room, to which both our dogs have been over the years. I was glad to be able to get him booked in for next Tuesday at 1 p.m. So, he's going to come out looking much better than when he went in. His coat is getting very long and matted and has lots of tangles and his nails need trimming and he must find it difficult to see where he's going with the hair over his eyes.

Pouring Rain

(Sunday) Poor Alfie! We couldn't possibly go our for our routine walk across Eaglestone Park this morning because it had been raining most of the night. I keep looking out of the window to see if there was any chance that it might clear, but, no, it didn't so he'll have to wait until the weather improves, but that doesn't stop him watching me like a hawk. I don't relish the thought of getting a soaking, the last thing I want is to come down with a chill of some sort and anyway, Alfie doesn't like getting soaked. He hates baths in particular. Also, he feels the cold and a soaking wouldn't help him either and he takes ages to dry, so it's just as well we didn't venture out.

I got home from the hospital at around 2 o'clock yesterday afternoon and the effect of the earlier flu-jab could be felt. Some discomfort in my left arm where the injection was done and I felt really off-colour. I slept for an hour or so and later at around 6.  I couldn't lay on my left side because of the  pain in the arm where the injection was done. Most of the night I felt fairly awful, and as a result I didn't go to church. But now, at 10.20 I can say I'm feeling a good deal better. From past experience of flu jabs I have usually felt off-colour for perhaps 48 hours afterwards, so this has gone off a good deal quicker than in the past, thank goodness.

The catheter which Carol had inserted when she was in A and E when she first came into Milton Keynes Hospital has come out. I'm not sure how it came out exactly, but we are waiting to see whether the doctors will want it reinserted. Hopefully she won't need it and this should lead to her recovery from the discomfort and pain. There should be results of various test back from the laboratory tomorrow so, when the doctor does her ward-round tomorrow morning we should hear something. Apparently the antibiotics are doing their job and the infection is under control.

It's been damp and miserable most of the day and by mid-morning the discomfort from the flu jab had passed. Not just that, the feeling of sleepiness and total lack of energy, but as I write this (3.5 pm.) I feel more or less back to normal.

When I left Ward 19 I walked out of the hospital and had to go to pay for parking at the machine which is near the entrance to the Cardiology Department. There was a man already there at the machine having problems paying. He had put his ticket into the slot in the machine but it kept rejecting it. The whole idea is that you put your ticket in and the machine calculates how much you have to pay. He did it again, infact several more times. I then said that if I put mine in it would show whether the machine was working, which I did and I had to pay the £4.50 indicated on th digital read-out. The man went off to the carpark with the ticket and he managed to drive out through the barrier using his ticket, so he got to park free whilst I had to pay. There is definitely something wrong with the parking ticket machine if he went through the normal procedure and his ticket worked the barrier without paying whilst I had to pay, somewhat annoying as you can't have free parking at the weekend because the Macmillan Unit isn't open to have your ticket clipped (that is, if you are a cancer patient or a relative.) Such is life!

'Flu Jabs and Wild, Windy Weather

It's that time of year when I have to go for my free 'flu jab. I knew it was coming up and eventually I discovered they would be holding the annual 'flu jab clinic at Ashfield Medical Centre. It would be held this Saturday and next between 8a.m. and 12 noon. I always want to be there as the doors open at 8 so as to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. Alfie was disappointed that I couldn't take him out for his walk around Eaglestone Park, but it wasn't light enough at 7.20 as well as a howling gale lashing the trees outside. I wasn't going to be able to get round the park and back in time to leave for the surgery at 7.45, so he was going to have to wait until I got back.

As I came out of the house and ready to drive off to Ashfield it was bright sunshine over the tops of the houses and a really amazing rainbow across the sky. It was a complete arc and quite unusual because you never seem to see a complete one, probably the end as it touches the ground, but this one seemed to arc over all of Milton Keynes. I rushed back into the house to find my digital camera and attempted to capture it, but it wasn't easy. I couldn't manage to fit the entire rainbow in but i think I got some of it in. Such a rare thing to see and it was gone very quickly so I'm glad I managed to get some of it before it disappeared.

I drove to Beanhill and got to the Ashfield Medical Centre carpark in good time and parked at the rear of the unit. (There is also a dental surgery as well as a Cox and Robinson pharmacy within the block of premises with Ashfield Medical Centre being the largest unit.) I prefer to park at the rear as generally there is more space and it's easier to park and get out than at the front.

As I got to the front of the surgery there were a few people gathering, one lady had an umbrella up because it began to rain. Thankfully the practise manager came to open the door up so we could go inside to wait. I really didn't fancy getting soaked so it was as well we didn't have to wait in the rain, although I don't think it lasted long.

They couldn't begin giving the jabs until 8 o'clock. Would it have mattered if they had? What reason was there to not begin? Some formality or other. I won't ask, being Ashfield Medical Centre. Anyway, they allowed us to register, or at least, report to the reception desk to sign in which would at least record that we were there. Then, to have to sit and wait until 8 before the flu jabs began. I wasn't bothered at all that some people went before me. Who cares? They had tea and coffee to drink before and after you'd been for your injection, but, to be honest, I wasn't bothered. Then the clock ticked over, 8 o'clock and bingo! People were called, or at least there name and which person was doing the injections and which room came up on the digital screen. You'd have thought it would have been in alphabetical order, but no, a sort of random name came up, although, now thinking about it, the names were probably just in the order of people being signed in. About ten minutes later my name came up on the digital display, to go to Room 4. One of the doctors. She asked my name and date of birth (which seems to be the standard way to identify you in the N.H.S.) and I sat on a chair and she administered the injection into my left arm, without me feeling a thing, which should be how it's done and I was out and driving on to Sainsbury's.

It wasn't 8.30 when I got to Sainsbury's store in Witan Gate and it was great to be able to move around the store easily without hoards of other shoppers. Having completed my shopping I returned home and because it had, by now, shown signs of being quite bright outside I decided to take Alfie for his delayed walk, much to his complete and utter happiness. It was quite windy and we came across quite  few bits of twig and benches which had been bought down by the wind. But by the time I came to leave the house to see Carol in hospital the skies opened and it rained, so there was absolutely no way I was going to walk, which was what I had intended. It is, after all, a mere ten-minute walk there along the Redway and it would at least mean I wouldn't have to pay parking (you have to pay, because the Macmillan Unit isn't open over the weekend so you can't get your parking ticket clipped which means you can't get free parking, which is a bit mean.) But by the time I'd got to the park park near Cardiology, which is where I generally park, and then walked in to Ward 9, it had stopped raining and the sun was out!

Stupid Television Commercials

Having spent the other day waiting in the Nuclear Cardiology Imaging Department at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford and having to waste several hours between the various procedures, I had to endure daytime television with some really dire television commercials.  Why do the the people who create this stuff treat their viewers and prospective customers,  with such contempt? Some of these commercials are so crass, it makes me really annoyed? What is that Lloyd's bank commercial with all those people following each other like zombies down to a beach with a herd of black horses roaming about? What are all those horses doing in the first place, just galloping along a beach? They look too fit and healthy to be wild, they are all beautifully groomed, with perfectly brushed coats (presumably) so they couldn't be wild. Why the obsession for that crowd of people wanting to follow without any sort of sense, down to a beach? It just makes absolutely no sense.  Are we to see the flock of people, like the horses on the beach, little more than a herd themselves? Is that what we can infer from this commercial? Can the advertising company who came up with this drivel please explain what it's supposed to be? Does it just tell you that customers of Lloyd's are like a load of sheep, who follow something without asking questions? So, if it's a bank, can you trust them with your money, if you are just a person who follows without asking questions, such as what they do with your money, how they invest it, what sort of interest rate you might get for your cash they have in their care? Are they a safe haven for your money? Are they likely to go bust and then expect to be bailed out by the British tax-payer like they did when the crash came, along with the credit crush, whenever it was, back in 2008? I have to ask theses questions, because that's what that ridiculous television commercial suggests to me.

The BBC had a 'sort of' advertisement. I think they'd call it a trailer 'of sorts.' It couldn't be a commercial on a BBC station as they're not supposed to have advertising. It's for Radio 2, the one with the idiotic woman dancing all over the place, on a table, and she ends up on top of a shelf unit. Do they not think it's a bit reckless and dangerous? How about our old friends Health and Safety? Or 'please don't try this at home?' How about the shelf unit collapsing under her, bringing it down on top of her and possibly killing anyone below, particularly children? Crazy, and incredibly annoying. Why do they have to waste licence payer's money on such pointless, mindless stuff? Does Radio 2 need advertising, and particularly in this assanine way?

How about the awful Go Compare commercial where that idiotic opera singer with the twirly moustache keeps popping up a the most inconvenient moments? Who on earth thought it was a good idea to get you to buy your insurance through this company? Well, certainly not me. That crazy singer would make you want to emigrate. Just really annoying.

Why do some commercials which turn up on television on a regular basis have an ability to make you angry and want to throw things at the television set? Those in particular are the one's which insist on shouting at you, such as the Cillit Bang commercial with a stupid man called Barry. I'm not sure if he's actually the inventor of this product (but why have such a stupid name? Why and how, what is the reason for having such a crazy name for it? Why ON EARTH does he need to shout at you? It is actually enough to put you off buying the product, however effective is at doing your cleaning jobs around the house.

Then there's the Safe Style double glazing commercial where a horrible man shouts at you ' It's buy one, get one free, I said, it's buy one get one free.' He pushes over what look like window frames and is quite aggressive. Again, this sort of in-your-face shouting to sell something is more likely to put you off, to be honest. Just horrible. I do note that their more recent commercials are a good deal less aggressive and not so 'in your face.'

I reckon there's far more to these commercials that meets the eye. Why would you deliberately make the commercial for your company so annoying, such as the Go Compare one? It must be the fact that that idiotic opera singer who pops up with monotonous regularity and annoys people does at least stick in your mind. The Compare The Market advert with Alexander the Meerkat (clever that his name sort of rhymes with 'market.') certainly sticks in your mind. Your are meant to get free cinema tickets if you sign up with them and were, at one point, meant to get s free meerkat toy (although we didn't when we signed up to receive Sky television, broadband and telephone, which was somewhat disappointing. Also, playing on the idea that children are intrigued by the fluffy, silly animated characters (the meerkats) which are playing on people's emotions so that you sign up to get a fluffy stuffed toy. Really annoying and not very ethical, but what do companies like this care about ethics?

Cardiology Appointment at Milton Keynes Hospital

(Wednesday) It was quite foggy when I took Alfie out this morning when we walked around Eaglestone Park. Alfie doesn't quite appreciate that we can't really go out until it's light otherwise we'd be walking into trees and bumping into things we wouldn't be able to see. It's definitely getting dark earlier in the evening and the mornings aren't light until at least 7.15. But, being a dog, Alfie can't really be expected to understand, but never mind. 

I have an appointment at the Cardiology Department at Milton Keynes Hospital at 9.00 a.m. this morning, so I must get to the carpark by at least 8.45. Not really a problem, but the traffic is probably at it's heaviest along Standing Way at that time, so I must leave earlier in order to get there in time. I'm having a echocardiogram done, which I had done at the John Radcliffe Hospital on the Tuesday after I had my heart attack. It only takes about 15 minutes, so I have a good idea what to expect. It's not an E.C.G., which is an entirely different beast. That is an electrocardiogram which measures the electrical activity of your heartbeat.

Currently  my blood pressure is 113/70 mmHg, heart rate 69 bpm and Sp02 96%. The echocardiogram done at the John Radcliffe on 4th September showed a normal LV size and wall thickness and systolic function that appeared at least mildly impaired.

My current medication is as follows:

Asprin dispersible 75 mg.
G.T.N. (Glyceryl Trinitrate 400 mg.
Isoborbide Mononitrate 20 mg.
Lansoprazole 15 mg.
Bisoprolol 2.5 mg.
Atorvastatin 60 mg.
Ticagretor 90 mg.
Oxybutin 10 mg.
Candesartan 4 mg.

I've still got a slight cough which is a side-effect of the Ramapril I was given when I left John Radcliffe in Oxford on the Tuesday after I had my heart attack. But, hopefully, it is coming to an end. It's not as bad as it was, but I do get fits of coughing. As I've stopped taking this medication and gone back to Candesartan it seems to have worked, although Carol said that several of the nurses on her ward have complained of coughing and have said that it might be due to the warm weather we had in the summer and as it's dry and sunny at the moment there is a lot of dust around which might be responsible for coughs, dry and sore throats .

Later. 8.30p.m. Sitting here in the lounge and really waiting to go to my appointment. As I look out of the window it looks quite sunny. Actually the past couple of days it's been remarkably warm and sunny. I suppose it's the time of year when you get foggy mornings and then once it clears you get bright sunny days which are really pleasant but then it can change and be quite cold and it's at that time you need to put on your central heating for a bit of background heating.

I was in good time for my cardiology department appointment and got to the hospital at 8.45 which meant I was able to park the car easily and then walk to the cardiology department which is only a short walk away. I didn't have to wait very long before I was called in by the nurse.

An echocardiogram is fairly straightforward, compared to the other procedure I had done on Monday at the John Radcliffe in Oxford. I had to take off my shirt and lay on a bed. The nurse put some sort of gel on my chest (presumably like KY jelly or other personal lubricant.) I had to first lay on my left side while she put the sensor device on my chest and moved it about several times. After a while I had to move even more to my left and had to hold onto a handle to prevent myself falling on the floor. She pressed the hand-held sensor fairly hard but it didn't hurt. The machine wasn't like the one used on the ward at the John Radcliffe which was portable, this machine looked far more complex. The whole procedure took no more than 20 minutes. The procedure was apparently ordered by the cardiology  nurse who is going to set me up on the rehab course which is hopefully going to start at the end of October and they have to make sure I am in a fit state before I commence that course.

I'm generally feeling well at present, although I know my limitations and if I over-exert myself I know I will only get angina so it's best to walk slowly. I have a tendency to walk too fast, so to avoid pain or other problems it's best to just slow down. I do occasionally feel queasy but I think that's my medication. There are certain side effects that I just have to get used to. I have managed to sort out the cough which was almost certain to have been caused by the Ramapril, which has now been replaced by Candesartan. I do get tired easily, which I have been since my first heart attack in 2006. A relatively short rest on our bed sorts this out, or if I'm out and about a couple of minutes sitting and I'm back to normal. I have to take a G.T.N. spray with me when I'm out and about and if I use it before anything strenuous, then it's a question of using it before an activity. But I know over-use can be a bad thing as I think if over-used it's less effective.

I went to Sainsbury's when I left Carol at hospital this afternoon. It was bright sunshine as I came out of the carpark and it seemed worthwhile to get what groceries I needed rather than going tomorrow morning. I was in and out within barely 30 minutes and it was easier to park when there was plenty of space in the carpark underneath the store.

Having unpacked my shopping when I returned home, I was sitting in the lounge and Alfie looked at me and began to bark loudly so it seemed appropriate for me to take him for a walk as it was so sunny and warm.

Myocardial Perfusion Imaging Test At John Radcliffe

I've mentioned that I had a Myocardial Perfusion Imaging Test procedure booked at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford today. (Monday) I was taken by James, a good friend at Shenley Christian Fellowship. He wasn't due to pick me up until 12 midday as the procedure was at 2p.m. and it wasn't going to take 2 hours to get to Oxford. Generally, with light traffic it wouldn't normally take more than an hour. I wasn't over-keen on driving myself, due to the stress it was likely to cause and I certainly didn't need any more, what with Carol already being in hospital and also the state of other drivers attitude of other motorists, being tail-gated and generally not being in a fit state to drive that far at the moment. Also, I don't think Carol would have been happy if I had gone on my own. I was ready to leave well before 12 noon. He phoned me to say he'd be ten minutes late. When he got here he had to set his satnav and we left for Oxford.

The journey was relatively straightforward, but still I'm glad I didn't have to drive. We had to stop on the A34 because the satnav wasn't working or something, so James used his mobile phone as a satnav.

We got to the John Radcliffe but then we weren't entirely sure where the department was that I was going to, the Nuclear Cardiology department. The John Radcliffe is an enormous hospital, spread across a really large campus and it can be extremely difficult to find the particular department you need when you don't know the exact layout of the place. Then we had a problem with parking the car, a vast carpark but absolutely no vacant spaces. So I had to get out of the car, having got James's mobile number so we could keep in contact. I went into the main reception entrance and asked at a desk, and was given instructions as to the exact place I should go to, along a very long corridor (why do hospitals always have at least on long corridor? Is it something that the architects work into their masterplans or something, just to keep patients and visitors fit with all the walking?) Even then I didn't know the department was on Level 1, so I had to go down in a lift, which, when I got in one, insisted on going up first before delivering to the correct floor. But then I had to walk a considerable distance before finding the right department although I had to ask at two further desks before eventually ending up where I should have been. I can't say it was particularly well signed, just endless corridors and stairs to reach it.

All the while James texted me. He said he would attempt to park outside the hospital and then, later, said he was going to go to a library. One was going to be closing at 1 o'clock, so obviously no use, and then he said he was going to Bicester, which we had come through on the way over from Milton Keynes, and he said he'd head back to the hospital to pick me up at 5.30.

I reported to the reception in the department and then had to wait in the waiting area, but I didn't have to sit there long because a nurse soon came to get me and went through to one of the preparation rooms where I had to have a canala inserted in my right arm. As usual with me I had to lay down on the bed because I have a problem with needles, usually with giving blood, as you will have discovered if you read my blog posts regularly. The nurse had a real problem finding a vein, and at one point wanted to put the thing in my hand, which I refused. It's not the pain of the needle, it's mostly when whoever is attempting to put a needle in is fiddling around, looking for a vein, try one area, then another, then they tap your skin to raise a vein, it won't work here, then there, they might start to put a needle in, it takes too long, at which point I'm feeling queasy and sick. But eventually the canala was inserted and eventually the radio-active substance put into my bloodstream. My blood pressure was taken, which was low. I don't have a problem with that. I had to remain laying down for a minute or two. I began to feel better and eventually stood up and had to go and wait out in the waiting area for an hour before they could do the fist scan. I was shown what the machine was like,  through a window into the main room and how I would lie on the bed with my head out though the end of the machine as the camera revolved around me. I have to admit I don't like being enclosed in a small space and get mildly claustrophobic as a result.

So, I sat and waited for the hour. I had to drink water, for whatever reason. I could have eaten something, but I wasn't hungry but I currently don't have an appetite. I had eaten earlier, before I had left home, at around 10.45. Some people waiting with me had bought food with them but I just couldn't face a thing. They had a television on to watch, an ancient edition of 'Bargain Hunt' on the Really channel, not a channel I would normally watch, and then what seemed like endless episodes of 'Homes Under The Hammer.' I attempted to read, as I had a book with me, but I couldn't concentrate on it, so I gave up.

When the hour was up (and goodness, how it did drag. Really boring, unfortunately.) I was called in to the next room for the scan. I had my blood pressure taken. I had to lay on the bed within the scanning machine. They put something under my legs to raise them slightly. I think I had pads put on my chest, that connect you to an E.C.G. I had to slide right back and put my head out the other side of the machine and raise my arms and put my hands behind my head. To be honest, I didn't like it. I don't like enclosed spaces. The actual camera part of the machine encircled the whole bed with me on it and my chest had to be under the camera. Fortunately they had music playing, from Classic FM, so as the machine started I could concentrate on that and not on the humming, whirring machine as it kept circling me. Also, the whole procedure took around 10 minutes, not a moment more or a moment less. I had to lay completely still. My arms began to get cramp and I wanted to stretch my legs, but I had to keep perfectly still. Then one of the nurses said that the procedure was over. Thank goodness. The thing began to stop revolving and I was able to be moved down the bed so that I could sit up. I then sat on the edge of the bed and the pads were removed from my chest and I could leave the room, and had to drink water as I sat outside. I was told I should eat something, but I didn't feel hungry and really had no appetite, although someone sitting near me in the waiting room had food with him in a bag and kept eating fruit and other things.

So, another hour elapsed. Again, watching television and being generally bored. Once the hour was over I hd to go into another room. I had to take off my shirt while they connected me to more pads, which went to a computer which showed E.C.G. readings. I had to stand on a treadmill and walk, at first at a slow pace and then they gradually increased the speed. I had to hold on to a handrail, and walk steadily. The speed of the treadmill was increased and I managed to keep walking steadily, but I began to feel a tightness in my chest, but they made me keep on walking. One of the nurses put something into my arm through the canula in my right arm. No doubt more radioactive substance but I think it was more likely something to make my heart beat faster, probably adrenaline, but I'm not sure. I had a stress test done at Milton Keynes hospital in the cardiology department several years ago and they did something similar whilst doing a sonic scan of my heart and the adrenaline or whatever it was made my heart beat faster. I think this new test was similar to that. As I got more and more tightness in my chest they slowed down the treadmill until it stopped, but frankly it was stressing me somewhat and I was relieved when it was over. I know when I'm out walking when to slow down or stop to rest, whenever I feel some tightness in my chest, so it was with this test.

I got off the treadmill and they took the pads off my chest and I went back to the waiting area.

Another hour to wait. Or perhaps a bit more. I attempted to text James, but by now my mobile showed that I had little battery-life in it. I decided to turn the thing off, otherwise if the battery failed I wouldn't have enough power to text James to let him know I had finished and where to pick me up from.

It was well over an hour by the time I went into the room with the gamma camera in it (I've been looking at the literature I was sent prior to going for this procedure and that is what the machine is called.) I had my blood pressure done again. By now (it was around 5.15p.m.) I was heavily sick of the whole thing, feeling really tired (which is an effect of having had a heart attack, so nothing new there.) I had to lay on the bed thing in the machine and my legs were lifted it up with a sort of bolster thing. Not sure why, although perhaps it helps my blood circulate better for the camera. Then I had to put my head back as far as I could out the back of the machine and put my hands behind my head. Again the machine started. But this time the operator left the room. I didn't get far into the procedure, unfortunately. I had my eyes closed as I had the first time round, but then I opened them and saw how close the camera thing was to me and I'm afraid to say on here that I got a horrible panic attack. I just can't stand being enclosed, I've mentioned it on here earlier. I just freaked out and in the process I move my position. I continued with the procedure, but when it had finished the nurse said that because I'm moved it had ruined the results of the scan. I would need to do it again. I explained that I'd had an awful panic attack and the staff did understand. I didn't want to have gone all the way to Oxford for this procedure and then not have it completed successfully. They said to me that next time someone would be with me during the next run with the gamma camera, and it wouldn't be so long, perhaps seven minutes. So, I agreed to have a second attempt and this time it went well, with the nurse talking to me throughout. The earlier attempt wasn't pleasant and I just hope that I don't have to have another scan like it. Just don't like being in enclosed spaces like that.

So, that was the final scan, thank goodness. I packed up my things and had to open up my mobile, which even than had very little battery power. I managed to text James (by now it was about 5.35 p.m.) and attempted to walk to the hospital reception area, where I'd come in earlier. I walked along a really long corridor, expecting it to lead out of the building, but I came to a set of double doors which I couldn't open, it requiring a card to swipe to get it to open, which I didn't have. No doubt a member of the hospital staff would have such a card, but I obviously didn't. I walked back the way I'd come, a long walk, and I wasn't feeling 100%, so it was hard work. I used a lift and hoped I would get back to the level which lead out to the reception area. I eventually got there, James having said earlier in a text that he was now back on the hospital site. I decided to walk out of the building and thankfully I saw his car drawing up down at the road-level. So I got into his car and we began the journey home, arriving back at our house at around 7.15. I was so grateful to James for his kindness to drive me to Oxford and for the successful conclusion of what was a very long and tiring day.